Los(ing) It and Fit(bit) to be tied.

It's been awhile since I tried to lose weight (or even thought about maintenance).

A lot has changed in that time.........who knew there were so very many devices and apps to help us stay on the straight and narrow? Or, at least, that's what they are professing to do, anyhow.

I had been planning to go back to Overeaters Anonymous for awhile, but it really just didn't work with my schedule. I had also been loosely adhering to The Beck Thin for Life plan, which recommends having both a tool-kit, and a weight-loss buddy. Can you imagine, then, how excited I was when I read about a couple of on-line websites professing to give folks the incentive to stay with some sort of consistent program?

I had read about Lose It in the latest Atlantic Monthly, and immediately thought "great, this could work really well". The biggest drawback for me in shedding weight is the isolation I tend to be in, so having some online buddies in the same situation might actually satisfy both recommendations. Cool.

So, I joined for free and started seeing other members with something called: "A Fitbit Adjustment". It sounded good, so I did some research, only to find that in the last 5 years, or so, the device market has become saturated with some pretty "Inspector Gadget" type appliances.

Hmmmm.......I thought........it would be nice to have some more accurate data, on the hills out behind my house..........well, so after I asked other members for input, I picked up the one (yes, that's it's name, the Fitbit one), thinking that I would immediately start getting some adjustments because of all the exercise I do, as a matter of course. (I'm no slacker, chronic pain, or not.)

Well, as it turns out, in order to use the appliance, you have to upgrade to the paid premium account. Okay, I'm fine with that; it's only $39.00 bucks, (out of my $50.00 yearly excess fund). It's worth it to finally have a place where all my daily information will be seamlessly integrated with only a few inputs; terrific!

NOT.

I was dismayed to find that while you can tell Lose It, to go to Fitbit, and swap data; the ONLY data that is truly swapped, is your food logs and some complicated form of calorie count, that's rather hard to understand. (Give me funny little pie charts any day, and please don't ask me to do math. My brain's on drugs because of my chronic pain.....that's sooooo not gonna work. Harumph!)

What this means for me, is that along with my input in my BP Journal, Exercise Journal, Mental Health Journal, Pain Journal and the two websites, which don't really talk to each other in a way that's particularly user friendly, I am still recording information daily, in six separate places. GAH.

So, I got to thinking about it, and it occurred to me that here's no way, in today's algorithm heavy environment, that the exercise, blood pressure, heart rate, altitude and all other stats, couldn't be programmed into one device and integrated onto a single online website.

I understand there may be some privacy issues with having all daily health data in one place (due to those same aforementioned algorithms) but it just doesn't make sense to me that if Lose It and Fitbit are 'swapping' diet stats, that they can't find a way to'swap' all those nifty exercise charts and other data, equally as easily.

From my armchair, I think they don't because of plain old-fashioned greed. It kinda' reminds me of Sony, when they refused to manufacture and release the little cd's, because they had warehouses of the bigger ones to sell, first. Can you say: Price Fixing? GAH.

Because, of course, when you want to hook up any other monitor, to your FitBit account, (such as a Withings pulse-ometer), you also need to buy their premium package.

REALLY??? SERIOUSLY???

I feel like writing a letter to the President of both companies (FitBit & LoseIt) and just tell them...........um...........you know........there's lots of peeps out there like me, who would be more then happy to pay perhaps 2/3's of the combined total, for each websites annual fees, just to have everything we record each day, in the same darn place, for crying out loud!

I'm sure when Lose It marketed the swap with FitBit; they were saying how much of a time-saver it would be to have the two accounts mingle, so why didn't they make them mingle, really and truly?

HONESTLY. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I know there must be folks out there like me, who have to live on a budget and only have 50 bucks a year to spend on things like this. I'm equally as sure there are an awfully lot of busy peeps out there, trying to juggle good self-care, families and extended families, who would be keen to only have to record things a single time.

Other Gripes.
• While it's kinda' fun to take out the One, and test-drive it, I would have saved myself some money, if I'd known how it actually worked. I really don't have any need for a glorified pedometer/watch, since I already had an Ipod that has the Nike+ app. on it.

• Turns out that the only way to get 'adjustments' is to exceed your daily caloric use. Which means you almost have to wear it non-stop. Because it's transmitting wirelessly, that means you will be subjecting yourself to almost constant EMF's (electromagnetic frequencies). There is loads of controversy out there, having to do with associated health risks and EMF's.

• While it's true that the appliance WILL sync with it's home site (fibit.com), and shows the stats in a fun format, I still have to go to Lose It and add all of my exercise, manually. That isn't much help to me in logging everything in one place. That's certainly an unexpected drag.

• Both sites give you fun badges and awards, but these don't sync. either. Motivating, but somewhat hokey, too. It'd be nice for all my buddies on Lose It, to be able to see my achievements on FitBit, as well.

• The wrist/sleep band, is hot, sweaty, and annoying, to take out exercising. They could have made a liner out of Terrycloth for it, and made a closing slit, so that it could do double duty; as a sleep AND exercise, band. That would be a very easy fix.

• It's hard to read in daylight, no matter where you carry it, on your body. It's also small and slippery, and I can see it disappearing, if one should drop it in our nice fall leaf litter.

Okay, so what would make me happy? Gloriously, Ecstatically Happy? Besides one single place to record everything? So glad you asked.

Here's what I would want to see in the next version of 'appliance'.

• Altitude: The One has this, the Flex does not. I am told that the Force (a new FitBit release) will have it. Okay, so now it's a glorified altimeter, along with being a glorified pedometer. At the risk of sounding snarly.......I am sooooo not impressed.

• Blood Pressure gauge. Right now, this is a separate purchase (of $50.00 or more). And you also have to buy the FitBit premium account (for another $39.00 bucks, on top of the $75.00 to $100.00 bucks you dished out for the appliance, plus the $39.00 bucks you dished out, to use the appliance on LoseIt.) The only company making a sensor that records BP, is Withings. AND, it's a separate band, so twice as many EMF's on you, all day; plus, all the inconvenience of keeping track of these little do-hickey's. I don't know about you, but I like traveling a bit lighter then that. Seems to me, having two or even 5, separate appliances, would make me more stressed, just keeping track of them. This is a bit sabotaging, isn't it? (Just sayin.)

• Heart Rate gauges. There are many of us who would like to know if we are exercising at the correct 'zone', for our individual levels of fitness. I don't know if there's even an appliance that can do this; but I'd pay a little extra for it, if there was one.

• Daily, Weekly, and Monthly Breakdowns. If not on the appliance, then certainly on the now seamlessly integrated website. This is a good thing to have, in order to NOT get discouraged, if you happen to have a bad day. Most of the time, a weekly calorie count is much handier to have, because it can change that: "oh, I screwed up today, guess my diet is shot" response to the: "Oh, well, I still have 6 days to do better", response. A nice benefit to all the emotional eaters out there.

• Mood Meters. Remember all those funny things in the 60's, that would change color, according to your mood? Nifty. (Sorry, just had to throw that in there!)

• A glucose counter: for all of us pre-diabetics out there. I know, I know, no chance, but hey, wouldn't THAT be handy?

Okay, I guess I'm done ranting, now.

Suffice it to say that it'll be some time, before I purchase any other appliance.

If either FitBit or LoseIt can decide to incorporate this list, then I'll be right there. I may even buy stock in their newly formed venture company.

Until then, FitBit will have to reimburse me for the device, if they want me to buy the additional premium package.

Really, why didn't they just make the two sites truly integrated and charge twice as much? Breaking them out is such a blatantly obvious ploy for more profits, at the risk of penalizing the very sector of society it is professing to help.

It strikes me as somewhat shameless. Just sayin'.

Caffeine & Dogs.

            Fritz and I had a major upset today. Actually, it was all in the course of a day, for Fritz. He DID stop the second and fourth times I hollered "STOP!" at him and it was really the other dog (s-owner), who was at fault. It was one of those responses where I must surely have sounded enraged and deranged. I also realized after doing it, that I could have hurt Fritz, which is the more important realization (is there such a thing as shaken dog syndrome? If not, there probably should be).

            Basically, I screamed and swore and yanked and turned him, away from the other dog, because even though Fritz stopped the first time I yelled, the other owner did not have as much control, and their dog, did not. And it was a big dog, too. So, of course, once that dog ran towards Fritz, he reciprocated. Further commands to stop were unheeded and he did not stop and lay down, until he felt my hand on his back. He did stop then, but of course, by then, I was so angry that I, couldn't. Sheesh.  So he got a spank and a twist and a yell, and then we continued on home, my train of thought completely derailed.

            And things were going pretty well for us, too, up to that moment. He was doing his happy, wet, DOG, thing, and I was thinking about what I'd been reading lately, concerning the  process of leaning into an addiction. 

           I was pondering that it might be important to sit down and really meditate on my food addiction and figure out why I keep inviting it into my life, when I am quite sure that the negative results are much more powerful and disturbing, then the positive things it does for me. I had the same thoughts about my caffeine addiction, especially after the DOG incident.

            The first thing that came to mind is that I am depressed. When I think of the times in my life, when I was heavier then I should have been, it was usually because I was 'eating 'my frustrations i.e., trying to combat the discomforts in my life, by making withdrawal's from my "ingestment" account, and thereby, numbing the emotional discomfort and increasing dopamine; it's all about the dopamine, don't you know? (What I've always said, lol.)

            This, of course, led me to think about my own tendencies towards bi-polar-dom. I guess I've always known (at least since I was a thinking, feeling, adult) that because of watching my only role model (my schizophrenic mother), for my entire childhood, my brain learned how to respond to stress only one of two ways; either feed the sadness (i.e., sense of helplessness), and eat (and/or drink), everything in sight, or feed the sense of being in'power'ed' (to over-compensate for the feelings of helplessness and sadness), by ingesting caffeine and/or amphetamines.

I can't seem to ever remember myself any other way.

            And then, of course, I reflected on how when I DID feed the sense of empowerment (through taking up exercise, good nutrition, and all the self-help programs I attended); what I manifested in my life was a rebound relationship with a "Dexter wanna-be and practically was", psychotic jerk. 

            I still have trouble figuring out exactly which part of me attracted this kind of cruel meddling from the gods???

            At any rate, I still struggle with realizing that I was so caught up in my 'id' self, that I was completely ignoring all of the negative warning signs.

            But, hey, I was at my very fittest (at 130 pounds), running 3-miles, at least 3 times a week, was getting a divorce, had two very nice children and had several good jobs, so what could go wrong with my decision making?
           'Isn't it funny that when we are at our apex, we also have to be almost hyper-vigilant about protecting it, or the Gods end up playing with us, and sending us challenges that we could mostly do without?  

            I realized, years later, of course, that despite all of the gains I had made, I was still a very fractured soul, at that point in time, and so, very easy to take advantage of. 

            I was working from my ego, instead of working from a place of integration and wholeness.

            When we aren't fully integrated as humans, it seems to me that that is when the god(s) of tragedy, like to play with us, the most. After it ended I realized that my ego had chosen to lie down with my arch-enemy (in Greek mythical arch-type speak) and that I had lost everything, because of it.

            It still seems to me to be a very cruel outcome of a very human mistake, but one which I am not in a hurry to revisit. 

            I am certain that is one of the main reasons I seem unable to stop stuffing sweets into my body, and get back to a better level of fitness.

            The other reasons are many, but I think, when I dig deep into the coffers of my psyche, that particular fear is the biggest one. 

            What if I get fit and energetic and even worse, proud of myself, again? Will the gods throw the same challenges at me, or will they be different (and much, much harder?)

This scenario, I am not feeling in a hurry to embrace, not at all. And who could really blame me? 

            Unfortunately, staying where I am does not seem to be an option, either, even if only for the most practical of reasons. I can't really afford to keep buying clothes as my weight goes up and ever up.  Well, so, all I can do at this juncture, is try harder to embrace the practice of meditating on the impediments to my not fasting and therefore, losing the weight and feeling better.

            Before I can do that, however, I need to take it one baby step at a time, and overcome my caffeine addiction.

            There's really no logical reason to keep ingesting the stuff, other then that it is feeding the addiction (to offset the feelings of sadness and frustration I have, with my current life situation), i.e., all the chronic pain I have to deal with.

            These are reasons I justify it, and in the interest of trying to remove as much self-judgment as possible, and to stay as objective as possible, I am rating them T {True} or F {False}. I've decided that if the F's outnumber the T's (which I think will happen, even without self-judgment) then I'd better focus on getting out from under the addiction. When I get this accomplished successfully, well, then, and only then, I think, will I be ready to tackle the 'eating' addiction.

 On CAFFEINE, then.

Statement #1.

I need caffeine because it does help me to overcome my own tendency towards inertia. I would likely never exercise, especially in the extreme heat of summer, and the cold of winter, without it.

What is true about this statement?

T) The fact that I have Hep-C is a deterrent to exercising very much because I always feel so fatigued. It feels true that I often choose not to exercise, (using the weather as an excuse) without some sort of jolt.

What is false about this statement?

F) I don't believe that I would not move at all, without caffeine. I just wouldn't move quite so much, or so often.

F) The fact is that even with daily caffeine, I often go for days without exercising and it builds up in my system, to toxic levels.

F) Once intake reaches a toxic level, I become tense, irritable, edgy and quick to over-react.

F) It makes my neck, back and stomach, tight and pained, as well.

F) It also increases my vulvar pain and irritation.

F) Toxic levels of caffeine make me disassociated (I begin to obsess constantly.)

Looks like the 'False's' win on this one.

Statement #2.  

I need caffeine because I am a very slow starter, (it takes me 20 minutes or so, to get into ANY activity), so if I didn't have the caffeine making me WANT to move, I likely would choose to eat and then NOT be able to exercise.

What is true about this statement?

T) It's not food, so doesn't weigh me down. Eating breakfast is yet another deterrent to wanting to move. In this way, it's helpful to have something alternately light and stimulating, in my stomach.

T) The Amitryptaline makes me sluggish and confused, so it seems that the caffeine is counter-active to being permanently somnambulant, as well.

What is false about this statement?

F) Because it does build up to toxic levels, when I finally do exercise, I usually do far too much and then am trashed for another day, or so.

F) I also don't usually have the interest in stretching, because I over did it. This also leads to stiffness and soreness, which is another deterrent to exercising consistently.

F) I do, on some level, have the faith that I WILL exercise, without a daily caffeine jolt, because the dog needs walking. The truth is that my nervous system is such, that I need the physical jolt, only a couple of times a week. Even though it does counteract the Amitryptaline, I fasted for 30 days the first time, and in all that time, I only needed the caffeine jolt, a handful of times. I exercised anyhow, just by pushing myself to start, by tapping into my very excessive nervous energy.

F) Daily Caffeine consumption makes my injury worse, therefore, making me less prone to exercise, and NOT more.

Looks like the 'falses's' win here, too.

Statement #3.

It's about the only benign treat I have left in my life.

What's true about this statement?:

T): I like the excuse it gives me to sit and acclimate myself to a new day, sometimes for a couple of hours.

T): It does feel like an old friend.

What's false about this statement?:

F): The feeling of vigor that it gives me, is very short-lasting. The truth is that the side-effect of having to "walk" off the "buzz" (body flushing toxins), is not exactly healthy or balanced. Especially when it comes to my relationship with DOG.

F): I eat sugary treats, so clearly, it isn't the ONLY treat left in my "ingestment" account.

F): It DOES feel like an old friend, but one that is bad for me and has outlived its usefulness in my life, especially when I ingest it, unthinkingly.

F) It actually makes me more disassociated (falsely empowered, on an emotional level), rather then less; because of this, it acts as a distraction from making more healthy and balanced choices, which begs the question that if I need to feel more empowered from disassociating with my life, why not take up the habit of life-breathing and meditation, instead? Oops, that might be a judgment.

And the 'false's' win here, as well. I kinda' figured, but it was a good exercise, anyway, since it gives me something to look at when I feel like straying. And...........I guess I know now, that I should probably listen to my stomach, more often. Oops, that's a judgement, too. Darn. :(

Well, so, that's what I've got, for now. 

Now, how do I approach the habit change, a little more consciously?

The Plan (Phase 1: Caffeine Removal).

1) Well, I DO have that sheet of weekly homework items. Perhaps I need to print it out, and have it handy, referring to it, every morning, upon arising.

2) I can do a better job of having nut milk on hand. (To make cacao, with).

3) I need to drink much, much, more, water, herb tea, etc.

4) I need to do a better job with the supplements. They do help to offset the caffeine intake.

5) Also, the daily self-care (The stretching, The breathing, The meditating, The body work (back-thumper), etc.)

This WAS my agreement with myself, originally, when I let myself start imbibing the stuff, again:

On the days I drink caffeine, I need to:

1) Practice Breathing with A.Weil,

2) Work on my neck with thumper,

3) Take bevy of vitamins, and

4) Meditate.

5) Stretch after exercising.

            I don't believe I've done more then a handful of these things, this entire week. I didn't do them any more then this, the week of Rich's vacation, either. That week, all I had was cacao in nut milk, for my morning 'charge-up'.

            Clearly, then, it's not just caffeine being a problem, but some sort of clinging to old habits as a way of coping with the out-of-control feelings I have, from being in chronic pain.

            I have no idea why I can't just wave my hands and take up different, more rewarding, habits, like meditating and working on my neck, daily. 

           Clearly, something is being triggered, in my psyche, big-time, because it's true that I feel out-of-control and 'stuck' in my current physical state of dis-ease. Normally, in the past, though, I would just go for it and make the changes I needed to make, praying for the best.

            What on earth is stopping me? I guess time will tell. Let's hope the EMDR, when we get back to it, will do some re-adjusting in that dept.

            

             On a much better note, I felt so bad about what happened with Fritz, that I brought him home, showered both him and myself, (again), and then forced myself back up the hill. I figured that not only I could use a break, from my caffeine-enhanced toxic energy, but that maybe he could, too. I was glad to do the penance, and that's sure what it felt like, (with temps in the high 90's), even with wet clothes.

            When I returned, I set the stool up in the shower, with a dog-towel handy, and we both just went in, and there we stayed, for at least 20 minutes. It took him a couple of minutes to relax, (on account of he hates the water), but after we adjusted ourselves a couple of times, and he could get his face out of the stream, he visibly relaxed, and stopped breathing so fast.

            I may be fooling myself, but I also like to believe we both reached some sort of atonement and forgiveness for the miss-steps that are inherent in relationship, of any kind.

            Some shower, huh? :) 

           May we all be so lucky that such a simple thing could do so much for our ragged psyche's.

Once again, this is MonaRaeHill, signing out from the House of Found Goods. Stay cool if you can!