The Agony and the Ecstasy of The Study of Energy (part two.)

Let's start with the Agony, shall we? 

And, no, I am not perverse, it's just that I personally like to get the bad news out of the way first, so I have a reason to rejoice when I get the good news. I have always had the desire to leave every situation on a good note; It's called GRACE and it seems like something that was always a part of me. I do not know why, but I have found that the Goddess giveth and she taketh away in pretty equal measure, so I am grateful for the gift. 

But, in getting back to the point, we can use the same analogy for good journalism, as we did, before. "Who created Energy"? Who knows? "What created Energy"? Who knows? "When was Energy created"? Who knows?"Where was Energy created"? Who knows?

Obviously, I can't answer ANY of these questions, and neither can anyone else.

So (and I am presupposing here), if Energy is such a mystery to me, with my ridiculous IQ, then it's pretty obvious that nobody else can explain the "why", to my satisfaction, either. And as far as I can tell, both governments and religions, constantly try to capitalize on what should remain a lovely little mystery. 

Accepting and just embracing the unknown (as reflex) is actually one of the main tenets (and also one of the main problems) within all forms of both government and religion. If you even so much as glance through the lens of history; it should be as obvious to you as it is, to me. Most religions have a strong bent on pounding their bibles on top of our heads until we succumb to the(ir) word. 

Hitting me in the head with your guidebook has never convinced me that your belief system is a good one, so I'll just keep saying "no", every time I run into it, thanks.  I've pretty much always considered the notion of "winning by attrition" as being completely unacceptable on any and every moral and ethical level. It's basically bullying and since there are as many ways to bully as there are stars in the sky, I've been the recipient of most (if not, all) of them. 

So, yea. I'll just keep saying "no" to any and every kind of coercion, especially if it seems forced. My body, my psyche, my emotions, my health, my spiritual relationship with the divine; none of that is anybody else's business. Never has been. Never will be. 

Which helps me circle back to the Agony, now. 

I have observed something in others, so many times, that it has become a deeply seated belief for me. That is that most peoples psychology is either built from LOVE or from FEAR and that all of their adult decisions, stem from this emotional dichotomy. In most cases, humans are brought up to FEAR their parents, instead of respecting them because they showed LOVE through their consistent behavior. I believe it (FEAR) to be the single most limiting emotion a person can have and the one that causes most, if not all, of human agony. (And which also might very well be the biggest impediment to evolving, both individually and as a species).  

Most people are very, very, Afraid of the unknown. I have observed that it doesn't much matter what it is. It could be something good, It could be something bad, It could be something extraordinary. But if a persons psychology was first built from fear(rather than from love), then they will be far too afraid to pursue any and all change, no matter how nice the outcome might appear to be. 

As human emotions, go, FEAR and ANGER are both strong enough to override and rule out anything and everything else, and make your nervous system go into, and possibly stay in, "Flight, Fight, Run or Freeze" mode. That causes a LOT of stress, because carrying around that much baggage will ALWAYS either weigh you down, or trip you up. 

I know it has tripped me up, plenty, to have cPTSD associated anger (triggers). Since it happens on a micro-biological and quantum level, though, the ONLY way to disperse this energy, is to transform it into some other kind of energy. With meditation, it's learning to become friends with your breath. With ANGER, it's learning to moderate the energy through dispersal (regular exercise is a good example). In both cases, however, these residual negative energy's left behind in our brains and body's have turned into trauma, and they cannot actually be "healed"; they can only be transformed into a different type of energy. 

The following is only one example of the power of FEAR: Many people just cannot bear the thought of living alone for any amount of time. For someone who has been abandoned, repeatedly, in their most formative years, the mere act of living with someone else, seems to them as proof positive that they are worthy of LOVE.  Unfortunately, the act of merely living with someone cannot banish the ghosts of never having had unconditional love from a parent. Making decisions from this subconscious place usually just ends up having a disastrous outcome for everyone involved. 

Anyone living under the grip of their FEAR based emotion, however, is quite unable to understand that. They can't accept that they are passively aggressively hurting others because of their FEAR. Even if they do understand, they simply cannot banish it at will, even if they should really want to. Nobody can. 

Nobody can change, not without first acknowledging that they have caused harm by their actions and/or inactions; and not without first doing some very intense and intentional reclaiming of their self-worth. It seems to me that most people simply choose not to do this work. I do not know why, but I would guess that for some, dirty diapers are very comfortable. These folks who like their crapped out diapers, though, usually end up hurting their loved ones, either covertly, or overtly. It's pretty much inescapable. (If they never have loved ones of their own, maybe that's okay, who's to say?) 

From my own life experience, though, I can say that living with someone who loves their dirty diapers, more than they love you, involves much much worse pain than living without them. The truth is that nobody can love someone else, until they have at least begun the process of self-awareness and learned to love (and accept) themselves, in their entirety (yes, even the icky parts). Any negative emotion can totally be transformed, but it does take a LOT of work and also, yea, as Warren Zevon wrote, a busload of faith. If we are not willing to be this responsible for ourselves, and to learn how to check our own negative behavioral patterns, then we have no business saying we love others, as it's really not possible. 

So, in order to grow up, then, (and in order to have healthy relationships); we have to learn how to love ourselves enough to make better choices, i.e,  the choices that will enable us to live in an environment that helps us, rather than hurts us. 

The whole world is constantly busy trying to convince us that this is a selfish personal act. 

It is not. 

It is not only a direct message from the Goddess; it is an imperative. 

We simply must learn how to decipher (thru critical thinking) when we are being hoodwinked by others; it would spare us incredible pain. So, if you really, really, want to escape pain, then you must do the opposite of succumbing and work on being much more evolved, yourself. I know, I know. It's counter-intuitive, and as Gerry Garcia wrote; "it's just a sick game played on us, by our maker".  

To use another, more general example, of my own critical thinking: It seems to me that we are constantly being bombarded by the powers that be, with this message:  NOT to believe our eyes, NOT to believe our ears, NOT to believe our intuition, NOT to believe in ourselves at all, in fact. The main message being drilled into our psyche, twenty four seven, is that we should just be happy little worker bees in thrall to the system and accept that we are subservient drones. (It almost makes me wonder if those two powers that be (government and religion), have actually joined forces, now).

Both I and my rebellious teenager say HELL TO THE Nth DEGREE, on that. 

After growing up with my FUFO's (frigged up family of origin), and having to fight back pretty hard, just to survive, I stopped being afraid of anything long before I was even 10 years old. I was always VERY lonely, bewildered and confused, though, because all six of these monsters were so out of control, that they mostly took their pain out on me whenever I was within slapping distance. I was always pretty much either left alone (and neglected) or I was tormented (and beat up) for most of my childhood. 

So, I learned to just leave, whenever possible. That could/would have worked, if I had not had children. 

As a young parent, though, I really couldn't avoid dealing with the residual effects of that childhood. Mainly because I could see the impact it was having on my kids (ancestral trauma is REAL).  I knew (even without a therapist), that there was a LOT of stuff wrong with me, because with my childhood, how could it be otherwise? I was aware enough to know that there was something major league wrong with my head, even if I didn't know what it was. Learning later that I had cPTSD felt right, because in looking back, I realized that my hurting my kids, mentally, made me compelled (through my anger) to learn how to heal myself in order to stop the cycle of pain. (On a subconscious level, then, even if I did not know it, my anger was working on all of our behalf's to propel us somewhere safer). 

Well, I did that (worked on myself) in bits and starts, all throughout my young adulthood and later on, too. To this day, that's mostly all I do, i.e., work on myself and my inner landscape. Guess I'm making up for lost time, as I never had even a single solitary chance to do this work when I was a child. There was far too much chaos, enmity, spite and insanity, to allow for this. Needless to say, I learned how to hide, as a child, very well. I don't recall anyone ever giving me any other choice, in fact, between being seen and injured, or being invisible. So, hiding became my norm and it served me well, as a child. 

What always struck me as incredibly strange (and still does), is that exactly nobody ever asked me if I minded being left alone all the time. They (the FUFO's) actually tried to actively lose me on many occasions (after the abuse became public and they had to find other, less visible ways, to injure me). So, suffice it to say that one of my ONLY saving graces as a child, was to learn how to hide, and hide well.  

Whenever I was left alone as a child (and this was often), I was able to use my isolation as a learning opportunity to observe others. I did not do this consciously, it just ended up being my default. My hindbrain always thought that if it could keep me on hyper alert, all of the time, I could survive this insane amount of abuse. So, it did. And still does, to this day. 

I have never found a single, solitary drug, (at least not in the allopathic world) that actually ever worked for me, (unless it was Morphine). The only other plant sourced medicine that worked, was Peyote and Opium. Other than that, I've been pretty much screwed when it comes to pain relief because of my hyper alert brain. I guess you just learn to live with chronic pain, and the management of it. So, I do. Not much choice there, either. The gods sure can be right wankers. 

For me, the ONLY time I could feel even moderately okay, as a child, was when I was alone, and because that happened during my most fragile psychological development, (between the ages of birth and 5 years old) it became a very deeply grooved neurological pattern. It (the abuse, the neglect and the having to hide, like a rat), was also an especially powerful motivator for me. It made me look elsewhere (the outside world) for any validation or attention. 

Consequently, I was the only ONE in my family of six, to actually make close personal, friends, during my childhood years. Of course, with all that madness swirling around, always, always, always, and little ole' Mona being the preferred dumping ground, for all of it; that was not going to be allowed to happen for very long.  Consequently, I had and still have, major league trust issues, so I completely avoid attachments to others, as they are usually far too much work for me. 

But,  back to the point. When I first tried to sojourn away from these mad folk, by moving to Vermont, in the 1980's, I was hungry for information and it seemed like nobody minded sharing it. So, armed with all the information I could get my hands on, I began the mostly agonizing process of working on myself. Basically, whenever I wasn't working for money, (by delivering mail and cleaning houses), as a young single parent, I worked on myself. 

Because of my overwrought brain and its hyper-alert habits, I also learned an awfully lot about other peoples behavior (from close personal observation), in my childhood. It made me realize that everybody was in pain, almost all of the time. Many of the families I studied in my night-time walkabouts, as a child; were VERY functional, too; they just didn't seem very happy. Upon much reflection and much later in life, I came to the conclusion that life IS pain (which is very much Buddhist) and we have to somehow either overcome it, or find a way to transform it, and that it's up to us, as individuals, to do that work. 

This was first validated in my teens, when I found Transcendental Meditation, at the age of 17. At the time, I thought it was Buddhism, (yes, I was naive), but I felt intuitively, that if I had to pay, then it probably wasn't going to be good for me (since I was both homeless and poor, at the time). I still deeply, deeply, believe, that both religion and education, should be completely FREE. It STILL goes against every fiber in my being to pay for access to a mentor, but this is our brave new world, now, and I suppose we have to embrace it, but I am finding that challenge quite ghastly, indeed.  

In any case, I did find Buddhism for real (in my 30's) and since it did seem to reiterate everything I had believed up to that point, I adopted it (loosely) as my main belief system. I also adopted Native American Mythology, Islam, Judaism and any/all other religions, because when you drill down into them, the message is exactly the same. It's all about learning how to transcend pain, and embrace LOVE, as a guiding force. 

All religions at least mention this in passing, but what most religions never say is that the divine is, actually, US. Our spiritual selves and our physical selves (our body's), ARE the divine miracle. Christianity and Catholicism speaks to this, but in such a convoluted way, that it just begs for some sort of clarification. I don't really think I'd be inclined to eat the actual or even the theological body of Christ if I was starving; that little bit of ritual always seemed so bizarre to me that I could never understand it, let alone adopt it. I'm probably vegan now, partly because of it. lol.

WE are the divine, so we better start learning how to get our mutual frequencies to align. 

That's what I've learned, for what it's worth, and also the reason for this little personal history lesson. 

The lesson is that the work you have to do on yourself, in order to do this kind of transformation, can ONLY be done in isolation. And it's going to HURT, quite a lot, in fact, so just get yourself comfortable with it. If you are lucky enough to have relatives who can help you with this process, that's cool, but if you don't, you just have to embrace the suck and go it alone. Which is what I have always done; I am just so determined to reach higher ground, despite the obstacles, that I think the obstacles might just be the whole point. Buddha would say yes to that, I believe. 

So, since I don't coddle, anymore, I'm not going to lie, and this bears repeating. 

The process of Transformation is PAINFUL. It's gonna hurt and you have to find a way to get comfortable with that. Snakes don't just go get a drink or a smoke when they start shedding skin, they just get on with it. You think they aren't scared by being immobilized while it's happening? I beg to differ. From much observation, ALL critters appear to know how frightening it is, being made vulnerable, by the whims of the gods. And since we are supposedly the highest mammals, we also must be good stewards and keep them safe from mischief when they are at their most vulnerable. It is both our mission while on earth, and our salvation, when we leave. 

Unfortunately or fortunately, that's the price we pay for being given a human body in this reincarnation. We have to learn how to get comfortable with pain, (our own and others) in order to get to the next psychic bus stop, successfully. I DO actually believe in purgatory, but not as a place. I believe that purgatory is here on earth, with us. I believe that purgatory is the psychological landscape that comes from being trapped in our addictions. Some people say that Buddha said: "life is suffering; pain is optional". It may or may not be true, but to the Buddha, learning to transcend pain is actually the point and most likely the main experience we are supposed to be having.  It's also most likely why the religion split into three different factions, early on. 

NOBODY EVER WANTS TO BE IN PAIN, MUCH LESS ACTUALLY CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE IT!!! 

But, I believe that the process of learning to first accept, and then figure out how to transcend, the pain, is the entire point of life, not just the religion of Buddhism.  

It is much, much easier if we can accept this early on. I really couldn't do it as a child, but now, at 64, I've learned to feel sort of grateful for having been so savagely neglected and mistreated, because it allowed me to find my own road to Heaven. So now that I've found my place on the red road, (with my magic drum), all I can do is feel hugely relieved that I don't gotta do this ever again. I just hope that becoming an angel is a tad easier than being a human, but somehow, I really doubt it. So, yea, be careful what you ask for and all that, hey? There truly isn't an easy road and there's no easy way to accept this: You're going to die. 

When you die, the process will most likely hurt, quite a lot. Maybe for a little while, maybe for a long time. If you're lucky*, you'll have a doctor who is also your friend, and they will give you much morphine to ease your passage. If you are NOT lucky, you won't. I have just recently decided I may as well adjust to that little universal whim, while I am still lucid enough to do what I can, to prepare. 

Once the process of dying is done, however, I guarantee that you will be transformed; I've witnessed this several times, over the course of my lifetime, with my own eyes. At least that is ONE thing we can count on, we will become something else; I find that notion to be both comforting and liberating, in equal measure. 

In summary, if you want your next life to be less painful, while you are inhabiting this incarnation (body), there's a price to pay for that (in the form of pain), that we all have to learn to transcend because it's a vector for our own ascension. 

With all my life experience, I can say that it is much, much, better to learn how and what forms of pain, to ask for, early on in the process, so that you can choose better the next time you get to the cosmic bus stop. 

Yep, it's called: "SOULWORK" and/or FAITH. You choose. 

When it comes to faith, I don't believe any of us have to choose someone else's path, unless it works for us. But, as a human inhabiting a body (which is actually a miracle, all by itself), we can't escape the responsibility to find the path that does work for us, on a spiritual level. 

So, to circle back to isolation....... It's just one of the very many vectors (tools) available to us on a Spiritual Level. 

Contrary to many popular belief systems, isolation is actually a good thing, for some of us; that's why many someones are now making money from leading "forest bathing" walks. It's good to be alone in the forest, my life is proof positive that it's quite a powerful healing force.  I pretty much find it divine and mystical, and fascinating, all at once. This is no accident, nor is it a coincidence. This is dealt with in the Dead Sea Scrolls (1945); where Jesus is quoted as saying that temples are most definitely not where he is. 

"The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, Not in a mansion of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there, Lift a stone and you will find me."

The spiritual (and sorta funny) piece here, is that in order to feel peace physically (in my body), I had to consciously seek out my old friends, the Trees (See the poem, Breathe, at the end). I am much more aligned with my inner spirit on a large swath of land, than I could ever be, near any kind of city or town. 

I do, in fact have more in common with Critters, than I do with other humans, and Bears especially. In fact, I think I have a LOT in common with them. Bears are solitary, and so am I; it's what works for me and always has been what works the best. Another similarity that I have found is that hibernating and eating sparingly, in the winter, is healthy, healing and restorative. Same thing in Summer, IF (Intermittent Fasting), is very healthy for me and helps my miracle of a body to thrive. The why of this and the thing to note here as most important, is biology. 

Despite being Homo Sapiens, (and consequently trapped in our errant belief system that we are at the top of the food chain), our biological programming (hindbrain) goes back generations, (and remembers the how and why of things), so we really should be learning to accept this (less eating, overall) and doing the same (practicing IF as a form of maintenance). 

We CAN trust our hindbrains, as it happens, cause it knows how to survive, even if we should lose our way, consciously. I believe that we are, both historically and physiologically, programmed, to forage and graze, as a way of life. We should be eating sparingly, several times a day, like we would have, historically, while living from the land. We should also be fasting regularly. We have to retrain ourselves to do this, because in the last few generations, this information has gotten lost in the avalanche of addictions being thrown at our subconscious (hindbrain),  all of the time. (Pretty sure that's intentional by the powers that be). 

I say now (and also happen to think) that it is imperative for Americans to grow up (learn to think critically, subjectively and objectively), and do it at hyper-speed; or else all will be lost. It's not great not to be able to think critically, anyway. Why do I say this? Because you simply cannot make good decisions for yourself, or others, if you can't spot the nonsense being perpetuated by all the little psychopaths, running the show. 

We HAVE to learn how to think critically, it's not only essential to our maturing, but is also unavoidable if we expect to survive, as a species. 

A case in point: I've been dumfounded by the whole colonoscopy prep thing for decades......."you want me to do what, now?" 

You want I should go without eating for three days, all the while drinking poison (anti-freeze), so that you can gouge me (in more ways then one), thereby inconveniencing myself for several more days;  only so you can turn around and tell me that I will die sooner or later? But, you'll not allow my body (and my colon) an opportunity to heal itself, by just drinking water and resting for a few days, in order to support the optimal operation of my immune and lymph system? 

Hmmmm........I can make no sense of this, it seems so illogical. I also can make no sense out of the fact that people are just putting up with this nonsense from the medical establishment. Especially since I have personally found that it (fasting) works so well, as both a healing and a maintenance, tool. 

That procedure (colonoscopy) by the AMA, disguised as prevention, just seems like a giant lie to me, perpetuated by the myth of the AMA being "all powerful". It's fairly dumb and being a critical thinker, myself, I am not overly impressed by the stats, either. (Because, yea, with the advent of AI, the output can be changed by the input; which I am quite sure is happening, regularly.)

It's most peculiar. But you know what's even MORE peculiar? That people actually believe it and NEVER push back, because FEAR is such a powerful motivator, and the powers that be, know just how to use it in order to promote THEIR agenda. Which is making you pay, for their training, and then using it against you. Masochistic, much?

That's another part of the agony; you simply must learn to think critically, for yourself, and about yourself;  and you must have the courage (which is the opposite of fear) to face yourself and ALL of your icky parts. You simply MUST, at some point in your own evolution, be able and willing to see yourself objectively and then make a decision to change the things about yourself that you do not like. Basically, you have to make a very heavy INVESTMENT, into yourself. 

I have found, in my own personal journey,  that everything we can ingest as humans, has the power to become an addiction. Our behavior patterns we learned as children, also can become a type of addictive behavior. So, we generally have a lot to overcome as humans, in order to evolve. I am beginning to think that's the point.

If everything we can ingest has the potential to become an addiction, than we simply must be willing to endure the pain of withdrawals, (maybe many, many times) in order to change anything about ourselves. We all have very bad behavior patterns, and it's mostly not our fault if we didn't have proper parenting. But, it IS necessary for us to take stock as adults and retrain ourselves, so that we can not only become better humans, but also, better parents. (It is much easier to build a child than it is, to rebuild an adult). 

In the end, it's this habit of telling ourselves "no", consistently enough, in response to imbalance, that it transforms into a balanced, manageable, lifestyle. Once it does become a well practiced knack, that is when we get into a "flow" state. Learning to be more disciplined with ourselves also allows us to learn how to be better advocates for our own health and wellbeing, which in turn, allows up to help others. 

Saying "no" to ourselves (whenever we have the compulsion to use an addiction as a coping mechanism), is, I believe, the essence of what growing up, actually means. In order to "evolve", and "adult" and thereby learn how to parent better, we have to consciously CHOOSE to do the things that help us (and those around us), to thrive. 

Because when I compare the two behavior patterns, it's clear to me that one is a subconscious reaction (turning to an unhealthy addiction to avoid pain) and the other is a response, which is a type of discipline  (restraint). I'd say that it is a much much better way to live, (learning discipline) than merely coasting along, and only surviving. It's all about quality over quantity, really. 

It's a very painful process, though, because "growing up" pains, HURT, quite a lot. There' s not really any avoiding it. In my life experience, that road, (avoidance thru substances or behavioral addictions), turns out to be just as painful a choice, in the end, as choosing to evolve. Or it was for me, anyhow, since it was the only thing left for my brain to do, i.e., evolve already. lol. 

Turns out most (if not all), cliches, are totally true, and this one from AA is no exception. "We can't change until the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing." That has always rung true for me, but like most things in my life, I found the knowledge well AFTER I formed the theory for myself, so it merely ended up being yet more validation. That's all a college degree ended up being, for me, really, just validation for the stuff I'd already gleaned from living, i.e, life experience. Not entirely sure it was worth it, but I did it and I'm not sorry, so I guess there's that. It IS a nice thing to not die with numerous regrets, I think. 

Probably none of this even matters to you or for your experience, because if you are able to reach ascension, while you are still alive, your Journey will most likely be completely different than mine. (I DO appreciate you reading about mine, though.) The pain may be better, or it may be worse. No way to know. For me, it's being allowed to see Energy, whenever I choose to tune into it. For you, it would be something completely different, but still just as extraordinary. 

Because it truly IS possible to just decide one day, to start saying 'no' to all of the things we have used as coping mechanisms because they contribute to a self-limiting form of existence. We cannot thrive under the weight of our addictions, we can only survive and live a half-life. Believe me, though, when I say that you CAN shed yourself of all of the substance and behavioral addictions in your life, but it takes a freight train of work and it will involve much, much heartache and suffering and pain. That part cannot be avoided, no matter how many addictions you embrace. 

Might as well get on the love and peace train, hey?

Because after having spent my whole life, being brave enough or foolish enough, to strike out and travel all the way down to hell and back, many, many, many times, I can say that that's the train I'll be on. I don't think I ever once stopped reaching for the light or the higher ground, because I somehow knew, on a fundamental level, that it existed. Don't ask me how I knew, because I cannot tell you. I was born a Scorpio Phoenix, launched into a living fire (True Story). It's equally as likely and unlikely, that my crazy entrance into the world, had something to do with it; only the Goddess can say for sure. 

What I CAN say, definitively, for myself, only, is that that was my journey, and surviving it long enough and working hard enough, Is how I finally got myself to a place of GRACE. That is how I get to witness and experience, The Study of Energy. Truly a gift from the Goddess, in my time of greatest need. I am so very blessed. 

BREATHE: 

She sat at the back and they said she was shy. 

She led from the front and they hated her pride.

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance.

They branded her loud then were shocked by her silence. 

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad, so she told them her dreams and they said she was mad. 

They told her they'd listen then covered their ears and gave her a hug whilst they laughed at her fears. 

She listened to all of it thinking she should be the girl they told her to be, best as she could. 

But one day she asked what was best for herself instead of trying to please everyone else, so she walked to the forest and stood with the trees.

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves, and she spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine and she told them what she'd been told, time after time.

She told them she never felt nearly enough. She was either too little or far, far too much.

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak, too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek.

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs and she stopped and she heard what the trees said back to her.

She sat there for hours not wanting to leave, for the forest said nothing...it just let her breathe.

Author: Becky Hemsley - The Thinking Project. 

 

 

The Agony and The Ecstasy of The Study of Energy.

Since May of 2025, (when I first picked up my drum), I have had the rare opportunity and blessings, to be able to 'see' all sorts of things, but the most important thing, is: Energy.

Yep, I can see ya'lls faces right now.......WHATTTTT? YOU CAN STUDY ENERGY? WHO KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL US? WAHHHHAHA!

Well, I'm telling you now, so settle down and hang on for the ride, yea? lol

So, Energy......if you apply good journalism to the definition, you'd first have to look through the "who, what, when, why, and where" lens, so let's start there.

The "WHO" of Energy : Inexplicable (nobody knows except for the gods and nobody knows how to talk to them, anymore, either, so many humans will likely never know).

The "WHAT" of Energy: Also Inexplicable. (there are so many different kinds of energy that even Einstein could not come up with a math formula for them all).

The "WHEN" of Energy: Only scientific definition is the Big Bang, which was never very satisfactory to me, because it felt so.......idk.......lacking somehow.

The "WHY" of Energy: Again, the only explanation available, not very satisfactory to moi.

The "WHERE" of Energy : AHHHHHH, THIS, THIS is where the fun really begins........Yezz, indeedy.

So WHERE is Energy? : Everywhere.

Is it simple to see? : Yes.

Can anybody see it : Yes. (It IS simple to see, once you train your eyes and your brain, sufficiently).

Is the work involved in doing this, easy? : Nopey. It's taken ME 65 years.

So, let's skip to the chase and examine how I did it. And please remember, that I am a NOBODY from NOWHERE, so if I can do it, you can, too.

IT WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL and all happened because I picked up a drum.

WHOOPSY......and.......OH, MY GODDESS.

I would be in ecstasy if I just picked up my drum and wandered all around the world gathering up "Peace" and "Goddess" chants, from all the different religions and forming a universal "drumming for peace march", along the way. That's how much my drum has inspired me......not entirely sure my body could really do it since it's been quite compromised*, but man, doesn't that sound just like a divine quest?

*I just tried a "dancing for peace" weekend and it tuckered me out completely and I only danced for a single hour on the two consecutive days........eesh.

I am clearly not embracing the Crone as well as I'd hoped. ugh. Well, that may yet happen, who knows? The goddess doesn't seem to care either way I go, so I suppose that says something......

So, in getting back to the study of energy: I can't tell you any of the above, except for maybe the "what".

Energy IS, on the whole: Completely Inexplicable.

It is divine, bewildering, intensely beautiful, enriching, overwhelming, ecstasy inducing, trance inducing, colorful whirls of interwoven, playful, mischievous, imps of threads who do not much care for any kind of order humans might want to impose upon it.

In short : It's utter CHAOS.

But Chaos with its own type of order, once you get comfortable with it. I am reminded of all the folks I have known who have said this very thing: "It's not what you think". It is, in fact, a place where thinking is not all that welcome, actually.

The ONLY way I have ever gotten there, besides accidentally, was to prove to the Goddess that I revere her and would NEVER do anything in her realm to cause problems and that I merely desire to observe and learn. When I picked up my drum and learned some chants, she granted me passage.

Going back to the WHY: I have been singing my whole life, whenever I could, despite being tone deaf, so I'm 100% sure that helped. Example: you know you have to sing the Goddess Kali chant ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT TIMES, to invoke her protection? There you go. I am quite sure I have sung and/or chanted, wayyyyy more then 108 times to any and every god. lol. My life is proof incarnate that Singing and making music is NEVER wrong for humans, IN ANY WAY.

It was Jimi Hendrix, I believe, who said: "If there's anything to be changed in this world, it can only be changed through music." I concur. I completely believe that it is our ONLY defense against great Evil. Historically, The African American slaves knew it, The Native American slaves here, knew it, The Mideast Nations know it, The South American countries know it, The Australians know it.

The ONLY other countries that have successfully censored music, are CHINA and NORTH KOREA. I am abashed to find out that while I have been spending the last 15 years, healing, America has joined them. That SCARES ME. No, actually, it TERRIFIES me more than anything else that has happened.

Even the fact that nobody has pushed back on police and sovereign immunity doesn't scare me as badly as municipalities outlawing music.

Going back to the "WHAT", now........the ONLY way to talk to ANY entity on a different plane of existence, is THROUGH music. TRADITION is another one, except that one of the TRADITIONS is MUSIC. Another one is CHANTING.

The American Government has shown repeatedly throughout history, that they are not shy about obliterating other cultures traditions. So, if you don't sing or play music, find a way to chant....whatever you can do to transform some energy in a good, healthy, enriching and soulful, way. (Buddha says we should always approach the world as beginners). Beginners make mistakes. Learn to Accept that in your journey and the Gods/Goddess, will rejoice, right along with you.

Musicians and politicians and celebrities will project unto you (and even think this, themselves), that they are divine beings because they have learned to manipulate the power of their chosen craft, ("absolute power corrupts absolutely", don't ya' know?) and have allowed the power of adoration (from money being thrown at their feet) to make them think they are more powerful than they actually are.

Do not believe them. They are merely catalysts for keeping the "soft-arts" alive, on behalf of the gods and goddesses. We are also acting as catalysts when we give them our hard-earned currency. It's okay, albeit completely unbalanced.

Because these folks will most likely NEVER get to talk to a god or a goddess; they are tripped up by the power they have been given and use it unwisely (from a place of great EGO). "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility". Thinking that they are entitled to have this enormous gift, without ANY ensuing responsibility, to their fans, is EGO.

What I have learned from observing energy: MOST other entities (who live in other dimensions), prefer ANY sound EXCEPT for the very EGO-CENTRIC Anglo-Saxon habit of perpetually grating the consonants and syllables of the English language. It sounds obnoxious to the Gods and they perpetually remind me of this*.

* Ego's Mirage

In walls of bravado, I stand so tall, But deep down inside, I could crumble and fall. These echoes of grandeur, they shimmer and gloss, Yet brittle and hollow, they speak of my loss. With each boastful claim, I fortify fears, A fortress of pride, built from laughter and tears. So let me be gentle, let shadows take flight, For true strength is found in embracing the light. (Unknown).

So, in closing, I leave you today with this advice:

Start the process of getting to know yourself, very, very, intimately. (Pema Chodron: "Just start where you are"). I have been channeling light without realizing it, for the past couple of decades.

Find a way to let go of things that are hurting you, by doing something every single day, that honors and cares for your highest good, while at the same time, not hurting anyone else. (Dalai Lama; "If you can't help someone, at least don't hurt them").

Embrace any spark of divinity your subconscious or consciousness is trying to show you, by learning to listen very, very, carefully, to your intuition. (The ONLY thing we have that nobody else can take away.)

Tell yourself every day: "I am the ONLY one who can do the work that needs doing, on myself. I start today, right now, right where I am". I have HAD to do this, many, many, many times.

If you've EVER even dreamed slightly, of becoming a musician, take an overused and basically, stollen*, but wildly successful caption, from Nike: "Just do it".

*Yea, along with washable fitted velcro diapers, I was incidental in launching these ideas, also unknowingly at the time.......believe it or not.

I can't guarantee you any attention from the Goddess, (prolly not for years) but I can guarantee you will be better today, than you were, yesterday. And you can be even better tomorrow. (Buddha: "Just do the next best thing and keep doing that, eventually, you will see".)

The one major teaching of the Buddha, when asked how he got so wise: "I woke up".

 Good Day from Hermit Haven!

Not much to report, but I did finish a bunch of things, creatively speaking.

There was a mandala on hold since last fall due to the fact that the brain dead majority has spoken and the lights started being manufactured with reflectors. Awful for my craft since they are absolute HELL to get through the backs of my pieces. Anyhow, so that mandala took most of the winter, laying in the queue, waiting for an actual set of  fairy lights without reflectors. The best I could do, in the whole wide world, was find some with oval reflectors, which are much easier to deal with, but still not really ideal. This friggin' world, hey?  In any case, I finally got it strung, and it was for an aging 80 year old who sounds like she's failing, so good thing I got it done, as her birthday was earlier this month! Man, this friggin' world, huh? 

Well, I digress. What I wanted to talk about was my Grandmother Rose. I spoke with her a week or so ago, whilst drumming, and our lingering relationship was somewhat resolved. Talking with the Ancestors is quite a trip, lawdy. 

In any case, this mandala fought me every step of the way, so it's in time out, for  the moment. I ended up stringing this one like a drum, it was so badly behaved. But, it's done, now, and waiting for lights to lose their memory. I unstring lights when I get them and restring them around trays, to encourage them to be a bit more user friendly. (Second Photo).

I see it through my window and it brings me such comfort and a great deal of nostalgia that I never got to really know my grandmother Rose. I was the youngest of six, but I was also the luckiest because I went home with her for my first six weeks. OOPH! She had to have been in her 50's, and to take that on? That's sort of remarkable, isn't it? I explained to her how much gratitude I had for her in doing that, and we came to some mutual understandings. 

Here's to you, Rose! They got a good one in Heaven! 

Well, hello from Hermit Haven. 

I realized that since I have so much Amasake (and that, that, now, too, has become a problem for my mostly challenged brain), I decided to do some experimenting. 

Well, for many years now, I have had Korean Pine Nut Trees in Vermont, because you know, I just love the pine nut and it's unaffordable, cause yea, they are mostly imported, now. It's such a shame, because they do grow here, but we don't seem to have the technology to process them anymore, so we have to pay the going price of 30+  bucks a pound.  The ones I have in Vt are in half whiskey barrels, buried in the ground and I have no idea how I am going to get them out of there, but it is what it is, hey?

In any case I digress: What were we speaking of? Oh, right, the Korean Stone Pine. There are at least 4 other cultivars I know of, but this is the only one I actually got to grow in Vermont. They take about 10 years to have fruit, so since the ones in Vermont are almost that, it's time to get them moved. I still need to find a hand nut processor, which is not cheap, but is necessary as the fruit (nut) has a hard brittle shell, that is anything but pleasant to bite into. Who knew? 

So, without further ado: Meet the Stone Pine!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_pine

What an extraordinary little tree, hey?

Here is a recipe for vegan, sugar free, pine nut cookies. 

1 egg.

1 cup pine nuts. 

2 cups chestnut flour

1/2 cup amasake

1/2 cup almond milk

lemon or lime extract

Baking soda (1/2 teas) & Baking Powder (1 tbsp). 

Whir it all up.

Bake at 325 for 45 minutes. 

You can sprinkle lemon flakes, coconut flakes, toasted nuts, everything? on top b4 baking. 

Hello from Hermit Haven. 

My goodness, I want to say Well Met, but not sure that means anything to anyone. 

Well, all righty then, I'll just spill.........I tapped into the wind this morning.  

It was mysterious and divine and enriching and hilarious, all at once, and it blew my mind, quite properly. 

Did you know the wind has a Tempo? NO, I mostly did not, either. 

I'm still completely entranced by it (the experience) so I don't know how to talk about it yet except to say that I have so few good experiences lately, that it was a saving grace, for sure. 

WOW.

Dear Goddess: Consider me Gobsmacked! 

I get to do that? Ride the wind currents someday? Holy smokes. How damn lucky am I? I get to fly, without even leaving the ground? Hallelujah. Who knew about this and didn't tell me? lol. All kidding aside, I almost lost my mind last time, so it was just remembering for me. How did I forget? I never want to forget again. It's SUCH a blessing!

Now I know why the drum was so sacred to the Natives. I would definitely lie and hide mine, if someone came along thinking they were gonna take it. It truly IS a sacred instrument. It taps us into our own heartbeat and that of the universe, too!  I am completely in love with it........my big BEAR Bass Drum, it makes some delightful sounds and it's VEGAN. So impressive. 

BTW: I have NEVER played drums before I got this one. I had a Djembe in Vermont (it's still there) but it's so big, the machinations involved in actually moving it more than a few feet, and sitting up to play it, are restrictive. Plus, it involved a trip to the city for lessons, and I can't travel for events anymore, so it just sits there, quite forlorn.

The Boorah is quite easy to lug up and down the hill (twice a day, now), and the sound is as close to the heartbeat as anything I've EVER heard. In fact, I will tell you that part. 

I had a pergola installed up on the second landing and I started kitting it out for ceremony. I had placed my canners on the pig roaster with the covers on top, the bottom one up and the top one, down, but maybe the other way around, I can't be bothered, so check picture.

The breeze started jiggling the lid around, of the one on top, so I started to play along with it. I did it many times, and it NEVER once changed. Now, I find myself wondering if it's the same every day......how can it be, though? If it decreases and increases in strength from day to day, doesn't that mean the tempo would change? I have Sooooo many questions for the Goddess, now. lol. 

For today, It was consistently the tempo of either an adults heartbeat or a child's heartbeat. Right after I discovered that, I went into a weightless state, for about 20 seconds, until my brain stepped in (my brain has some serious trust issues). My big, beautiful, afflicted and fucky brain, sigh.  (see my post from yesterday.)

Well, I did it once, I can likely do it again, I hope. lol. 

It was timely, as I got triggered in class today. Doesn't seem like I can escape the Disrespect and Dismissiveness that seems to be just part of others, all of the friggin' time. 

I do not know why I am so triggered by these two things......but it is uncomfortable because I get the awful monkey tummy, still. (Versus the Monkey Brain, which I also cannot seem to tame).  

Because yea, the Universe is often perverse, so if an issue that you haven't resolved keeps presenting itself, you just gotta know that it needs examining and healing, Well, in the US now,  I can't find a therapist to help me figure it out, and I don't have the money, anyhow. EESH. 

Guess I gotta' do this one on my own, too. This is why I steer clear of people, none of them ever seem able to help me with these big, mind altering, life altering, questions, prompted by my experiences. 

This big Bear life of mine is a sure enough doozy. But, today, for the first time in a long time, I felt such profound gratitude that it made me cry (and my brain doesn't much like crying, either, so I literally can't most of the time)......fucky fucky brain of mine....thanks, I guess.

Something sure is shifting and if I go nuts with this round, who's gonna even care? So, I think (hope) I am ready. Do I dare say, "Bring It"? Well, I guess I just did. lol.

In closing, don't forget to try and do at least one thing today, that serves your higher good. 

I did, but, now, I gotta rest. That took A LOT of spiritual and psychic energy. So, very small hits are the order of the day, so this time around, Baby steps all the way. 

From the craggy edge of reason in the woods of Maine, keep the faith and don't forget to breathe.Remember to breathe every chance you get! You won't be sorry.

I particularly like this song, but it has nought to do with my post, or maybe it does? I have no idea, still pretty much tripping balls and jiggling my chair around the cabin without even trying. lol.

https://youtu.be/88lEWTEk3jg 

 Well, good day from Hermit Haven. 

I have really tried to keep this blog about plants, but there are other things that need saying, too. 

The big important imperatives that drive me as instruction on how to live my life are Integrity, Honesty, Respect for All beings, Right Thinking and Right Speech. These are not all strictly Buddhist in nature but they could be. It's funny how all religions just look the same once you delve into them, isn't it? 

In that vein, I have spent the last 25 years studying NVC (Non-Violent Communication), intermittently, as well as training under various Shamans in Energy Healing and Frequency Divination. 

As far as frequency divination; I found Bi-Neural Beat Frequencies to be quite helpful in the early part of my healing journey. They require headphones and are based on the energy frequencies of the brain (Delta Theta, Alpha, Beta)...that's super fun to say fast, I dare you! lol. In any case, the theory of bi-neural beats is that a frequency of sound waves (Mhz), only one pitch in difference, is sent to each ear and they wrap around the brain (on account of the headphones), thereby resetting the frequencies. It worked really well for me, but I understand now that it has been taken even further, with technology. It's a fascinating body of research that is still in its infancy, but I suspected it would take off with the advent of AI, and it did. Dang, but I wished I had bought stock in these companies. lol.

Another truly useful thing I found was Meditation. I think I mentioned that I have pretty severe cPTSD that gives me crippling anxiety. Mostly because when I become super stressed my brain actually goes into hyper-alert mode and refuses to acknowledge most (if not all) allopathic drugs, as well as giving me much insomnia. I actually have a suitcase with many different protocols to choose, when my brain starts up with this clamoring nonsense. 

The best and least harmful, but most expensive, drug, I found, is not covered by big Pharm. Presumably because it is too good and everyone can grow it, so no money in it.  Yup. It's Marijuana, or actually the non THC form of CBD (just one of the 112 known about cannabinoids). It literally gave me back my life. 

Not only did it work well for my nerve pain, it forced my brain to make dopamine. Now, I don't know how much to say about that, but what I know from my journey, is that our big, dual, human brains, trick us constantly. 

I believe It's because we have MORE neurotransmitters (NT's) that cause us to Run, Fight, Freeze or Hide, than we do NT's that allow us to become calm and peaceful. It's a survival mechanism. It's also a pain in the brain. Our brains get highjacked when we are born into a very stressful and crisis fueled environment. The NT's that allow us to survive this shock, are the Corticosteroids created by the release of these hormones (cortisol, mainly) by signals from the Amygdala and Hippocampus. 

Unfortunately, by the time we are FIVE years old, there's no turning back, the brain starts cleaving up NT Highways that are not being used. So, if your brain did not make the good NT's (Oxytocin, Serotonin, Dopamine and Gaba), by then, the brain starts cleaving those centers out. And yea, our big dual brains leave us pretty much screwed. I've always said there's no mind f**k like the one we do to ourselves, no comparison, no how. 

So, me, little ole me, training my brain to start making those pathways again? It's a minor (or maybe a major), miracle. Or at least that's how it looks from outside. Most people who get good at something, make it look easy. Even my FUFO's (Frigged Up Family of Origin) thinks that it's magic; because they are all still stuck at Ericksons Developmental scale of 3 years old and the magical thinking of that age.  (For more on this, read Ericksons developmental stages in early childhood.)

I am here to tell you all that it isn't any kind of magic. It was actually death defying and endless hard work that made me feel like I would go insane, time and time again. There were many times my cPTSD was so bad that I would literally shake like a junkie, in withdrawal, for 6-8 hours at a time. When I finally felt well enough to rejoin the world, the triggers started to come again, fast and furious at times, with no relief  in site. 

Remember I said my brain goes wonky on the subject of allopathic drugs? I can literally take 10-15 Valium's at a time when it gets this way. It does nothing, except make me throw up and get a migraine. Same with Liquor, same with Hydrocodone, OxyCodone, Demerol, liquor, food, sugar, yeast, beer, and anything else that other folks get to turn to for some relief. 

The UVM docs, first tried me on gabapentin, but this made me into a zombie. Then, after all else they tried, didn't work, as a last resort, they tried Cymbalta, and wasn't that a lark? I got zero relief and ALL the side effects. Made me feel like I was going blind. EEEK!

Well, I finally got off those and the other 4 they had me on and started taking CBD. Did I say it saved me? So sorry to repeat myself....actually.........NOT. I consider the marijuana plant a miracle drug, right up there with Peyote and small micro-doses of LSD and Ketamine.

But I digress..The UVM docs pretty much tried me on everything, for the nerve pain they left me with from their botched surgery. 

Unfortunately, the one thing they couldn't do, was rebuild my beleaguered brain and nervous system (12 hours on a table, under anesthesia, will do that to a body). That little aberration, I had to do, myself. I believed it was possible, from all my studies, so I began that journey, next (after weaning off all the drugs). It was mostly good. Except for the 6-8 hour stints where all I did was breathe consciously, for just hours and hours and hours. Sometimes all night and into part of the day. 

Because the other thing that happens when a child is constantly terrorized, is that they hold their breath and tense up while the abuse is happening. After it happens enough times, they completely forget how to breathe properly. So, the first step to healing is to relearn how to breathe. There are many, many, breathing practitioners out there, so I won't bother posting a link, because the ones that helped me, may not work for you. 

I developed my own particular breath work which is actually quite hard work (this is me, easy never on the table, not ever).  But, it did condition my lungs to relearn how to breathe properly. It took a longggg time. I also used the bi-neural meditations from the insight meditation timer, in sync with my breathing practice. I have now meditated for well over 2000 hours but I consider myself still a beginner. Isn't the rule of thumb is that it takes 10,000 hours of practice before you can expect to become a master? 

Well, that's okay, the Buddha says we should all approach everything and everyone with a beginnner's mind, so I don't mind. It's actually rather fun. People are way nicer to you when you are honest and say: I don't know, (when you don't) because they are happy to talk about and share what they DO know. I get a LOT of helpful info from folks with this approach. And information is currency, don't you know? 

So, at some point, in the interest of helping folks in the best way I can, I plan to make a video of my practice. It's vital to learn how to breathe properly, as a first step to meditation. Most folks who tell me they can't meditate, I see as a direct indication that they actually can't breathe consciously. In much the same way that GABA is a precursor to dopamine, learning how to breathe is a precursor to meditation. 

So, you see, it's not so much a meditation problem, as it is a "discipline in breathing", problem. Did you know that Dolphins HAVE to breathe consciously? They have no choice. We humans and our big dual brains, though. WE have to relearn everything that was taken from us when we were terrorized as children. It's a long, hard, slog. And about as far from magic, as a body can ever get. 

I am just an uber stubborn, now "old" lady, that doesn't know when to lay down and die (the devil and me? we are arch enemies). I have been told that I have the most advanced case of cPTSD that most therapists and psychiatrists have ever seen. So, if I can do it, under these stressors, then you can, too!

If I have ANY advice that is worthwhile, I would say: Never give up hope and keep the faith. But, more, much more importantly, remember to just breathe! Trust me when I say that making friends with your breath is the best thing you will ever do!

In that vein, today, I leave you with these quotes from Andrea Gibson and Amanda Gorman. 

"The only noise louder than destruction is creation".

"For there is always light, if we could only seek to see the light, if we could only seek to BE the light." 

Powerful words. 

Choosing consciously, to use Right Mind, Right Speech and Right Presence, is incredibly hard (impossible, for me, very often). But so very, very, worth it. 

And anyway, it's all about the journey, and not the destination, because yea, we already know the destination, don't we? (dirt nap). 

Why waste a single minute in service to a lower state of being? It's a high ideal, but did I mention how stubborn I am? 

So, from Hermit Haven, to the wider world: have a great rest of the week. Go play. Go sing. Go dance. Try to do one thing every day that satisfies your higher good. 

From the craggy edge of reason; I am here, if you need me. 

https://youtu.be/Eo-UKCxCglg

Good Morning Vietnam! lol. 

I loved Robin William's acting, but maybe I liked him because he was so bipolar, not sure. His interviews always sorta bothered me, cause I am so visual, I can see the pain folks try and hide. (I have always said that inside every Comedian, there's a 3 year old, waiting to be let out so they can go blow up some shit). I do know that in an interview of his so called best friend, he mentioned that Robin would have to hop on his bike and ride around the hills of Hollywood after a show, just to take the edge off. His friend said he would ride anywhere from 100-150 miles at a time. Since I used to also do this, when I had a bike, I get it. I never really liked bikes that much though, and I definitely preferred hiking so while I admire that impetus, since it shows discipline, the woods and trees were always my succor. 

So, here I am. In the woods, FINALLY. 

It sure did take a long time. 

Whewy. 

Did I mention in this blog anywhere, that I was/am 3 parts Bear?  Anyhow, in my life long search for meaning, and during a really bad time, I was gifted some Medicine Cards, and boy did they help me make sense of so very many things. The Cards were produced by a Jamie Sams (who, incidentally, was shunned by doing this), who was Cherokee/Seneca. You can read about him, here: https://native-americans-online.com/native-american-jamie-sams.html The person who loaned hers to me is beyond kind at heart, so I owe her a debt of gratitude since you aren't really supposed to loan them out. She was probably adept at sage-ing and other purifying rituals, so she prolly didn't even think it a big deal, but I do. Here's to you Jesse, you are often in my thoughts!

Anyhow, the theory is that we have 7 animals who are our spirit guides for life. Normally, this would happen when the young person becomes a human, and gets their name at a naming ceremony. (Prior to their naming, they were just sort of considered babies and not yet able to become full-fledged members of the tribe.) 

The spirit animals are arrayed in seven directions, North, East, South, West, Above, Below, and Within. The animal medicine  follows the medicine wheel somewhat, but is truly a mythology all on its own. Natives had a LOT of ceremony, and it was very community oriented. I don't think I would have done well with this last part and would likely have left the reservation on my own, if my ancestors hadn't already. 

Well, I digress. I have BEAR in three directions, Above, Below, and Within. 

There's some dolphin in there........did you know that Dolphins have to breathe consciously? They have no choice. Makes sense that I would learn to meditate and do other solitary pursuits, doesn't it? I mean, a Bear is Solitary, and meditation is all about learning to breathe properly (consciously), so it makes perfect sense to me. 

All of the other critters in my lineup are also power animals......it was, and still is, a LOT to manage; Eagle, Hawk, Turkey, Dolphin..... mostly flying animals and one pretty great swimmer. Makes sense that I would look to the mountains, and the sky all the time, and not much care for the water. I mean, you ever seen a BEAR taking a bath? I'm sure they do, but probably only occasionally and only uber privately. lol. 

As far as the other stuff, my hands and feet are HUGE, and I used to hate never being able to get a proper pair of footwear that did not hurt my feet. Then as I got older, I realized my feet were one of my best features......I can actually grip rocks, pencils and branches, with them. I could probably eat with them, too, but I have never actually tried. I mean, I would if I had to, but why bother?

  

It does help to explain why I always wanted to hike and climb trees, tho, doesn't it? 

And also why I was always able to talk to animals and plants and I was always able to hear their voices. 

It's kind of a miracle, isn't it? 

I am abashed to say that I forgot I could do this when I was a child. I remember now, though. It's a divine sort of calling and it makes me feel like I am talking to angels. 

I believe this is true for everyone. We all experience magic when we are young. If only we could be wise enough as children to remember not to forget it. Well, we CAN actually remember, if we are willing to work hard to overcome our conditioning.  

And if I can do it, with my incredibly dysfunctional background, then anyone can. 

Just remember the magic. 

Sounds so Simple, doesn't it? 

It's the simplest thing in the world and also the hardest, simultaneously.  

Buddhist philosophy says that life is suffering, you cannot advance until you become friends with Suffering. Once you do make friends with your shadow demon, then you have taken the first step to Enlightenment. Pema Chodron talks about the Tibetan Charnel Grounds and how, as part of their practice at a monastery, one of their challenges was to go spend a night (or three) in the Charnel Grounds. Talk about going to meet your maker, face to face. I am pretty sure I would never actually choose to do this. Kudo's to you, Pema!

I spent my childhood in the Charnel Grounds of Human Dysfunction, and I learned everything there was to know there, about suffering. Not saying I am particularly enlightened, but I sure am DONE with all that nonsense. 

I made a vow to myself when I got here, and that is that nothing can be allowed here, unless it's beneficial to my higher good. I don't think that's particularly enlightened,  but it works for me. 

It is, in fact, one of the first steps of the 8-fold path. If it does not serve your higher good, then just say "no". This is not selfishness, it is essential. And it is only the FIRST step.............

Eckert Tolle said it best: 

If you are not comfortable in a situation, you have four choices. 

1. You can figure out how to learn to accept it.

2.  If you cannot learn to accept it, you can try and change it. 

3.  If you can't change it, you can try and change the way you feel about it, i.e, accept it. 

3.  If you cannot do the first three things, you must leave. 

ALL ELSE IS MADNESS.

Or to put it another way......"All unhappiness is caused by being unable to accept what is". 

And on that note, it's another fine day weather-wise here at Hermit Haven. I haven't decided what projects I want to work on (if any), today, so I gotta go talk to the Buddha and find out what the next best step is. 

Here's to moving towards sanity, a little bit more each day. 

I leave you with this:

https://youtu.be/Mi8Tl1EphOs