100 days in the life; 5 weeks and counting.

Well, so. It's been five weeks (or is it 6?)since I began the process of "liquifying/alkalinizing my 'innards'";as I like to say. :)

There have been a few good days, more bad ones, but I keep on keeping on. 

Not entirely sure what else to do, actually. 

In this blog, I want to list the ways in which I am doing well, though, in order to keep things a bit more positive.

I have gotten to the point where I can do two loops (about 1 and 1/2 hours of hiking), around Chipman Hill, at least 3 times a week (as well as stretch, afterwards, for 20 minutes). If I don't get up and around, I usually walk the dog for at least that long, on the streets, so I like to think it works out about the same, fitness wise.

I have given up dairy, entirely. I don't really miss it that much, and in truth, I get full on liquids quite easily now. 

My usual day of intake, is this:

Breakfast is usually (not always), 2 giant mugs (total of 32 oz.) of nut/seed milk with 2 tblsp of raw cacao, and one or two, tblsp. of honey or a mix of honey and agave. (Sometimes, (but no more then 3 times a week), I have tea).

I am not very good about measuring. 

I go by taste. 

Brand of cacao makes a huge difference. 

I've noticed the one from Essential Living Foods seems to require more sweetener; the one from Sunfoods, less. 

In truth, my taste buds seems to change depending on how hungry I am, on a given day, so that's probably the  more important variable. 

I go by however I happen to feel, that day. 

Seems like the best strategy for me, in general, given where I am at, health-wise.

Then I go for a walk. 

Like I said, I try and make it a good one. 

Doesn't always happen. 

Too many variables, and I am often too tired to do all I'd like. 

I like to think it averages out, for the week.

I haven't lost much weight. 

Maybe 6 pounds in all that time. 

This concerned me, so I went to get a bunch of blood-work done. 

Won't know much about that, 'til next week.

I walk, (and I drink a lot of water, before, during and after), then I have lunch (which is generally a whole host of vitamins and Hibiscus/Rose-Hip/Tea).

Pretty exciting, hey?

I usually do errands or work some, (on my designs), in the afternoon. 

The chickens like to come out, so if I haven't got car errands to run, then I let them out. 

They tend to beat up my yard pretty well, so I'm not as generous in this regard, as Rich is. 

Probably why they seem to favor him.

You think? lol.

Then I have to rest. 

Just a given. 

I've gotten better, sure, but only because I have to be pretty rigid with the "every-two-hours I rest", habit. 

It's been pretty essential. 

If I don't do it, I am trashed for at least two days. 

I've learned this the hard way. 

Hence the need for rigidity. :(

Dinner is gathering veggies from the yard, and juicing them (usually about 32 ounces). 

I try and make sure I've got either burdock leaves or dandelion leaves, in the mix, as well as a beet. 

Then I mix the juice with a Tblsp of Miso (I use a variety of types), heat it on low/medium and have a type of "hot" soup, for dinner. 

It's not really hot, of course; more tepid then anything, but it's what I like, especially with the cooler weather coming, so that's what I have.

Then if I'm really hungry (days after I exercise, I usually am), I have another mug of "hot" cacao, for a bedtime snack.

I do better (in general) with some light proteins, (I simply get far too tired without them), so I've allowed myself to use partly organic soy milk (for my hot cocoa), despite the fact that it's not truly "raw".

I figure I'm having acid for breakfast, (especially on the days when I have tea), but alkaline for lunch and dinner, so I should be good.

Because most of my health issues are nerve related, I've also allowed myself to have those ginger/peanut nibs (but no more then 6 a day), and the honey/ginseng slices (no more then 2 pcks).

I don't believe either of these are organic, being of commercial origin, BUT, they are incredible adaptogen/nervines, so I've consoled myself with the idea that they are necessary to my overall wellbeing.

It's just too bad that none of the over 200 ginseng plants I've planted over the last seven years; seem to like my yard very much. 

Or, perhaps it's just me they don't prefer, same as the chickens? lol.

Had the same trouble with wild ginger.

Geez, what on earth am I missing, exactly?

Well, there ya' go. I'm stuck (for the immediate future, looks like) with the commercial types. Sad.

Tonight, though, I took matters in my own hands.

I don't care for ingesting the types of sugar in the ginger candies, so I made my own, with our own honey. 

I also used a jar of the raw jungle peanut butter I had hanging around.

It's organic ginger, organic honey, and raw peanut butter, so it's GOT to be better then the store-bought.

Doesn't it? :)

Anyway, here's the recipe:

2 lbs of organic ginger.

Filtered water.

3 cups of organic honey.

1/2 jar of jungle peanut butter 

(or more, to taste).

Basically, you peel, slice and cook the ginger, in 3 changes of fresh water, for 10 minutes of boil, each cook time. 

Drain well the last time. 

I let mine cool slightly, and processed it into finely diced pieces. 

Then back in the pan with the honey. 

Boil at a rolling boil (medium on my stove), for 20 minutes. 

Let cool slightly. 

Whisk in the peanut butter very quickly and pour into a wax paper lined brownie pan. 

Cool on counter, score, and then refrigerate, until it breaks apart easily. 

Wrap and store in a closed container, in the fridge.

So, that's one hurdle I've conquered. 

As I said, there have been some bad days when I missed food, badly. So bad, in fact, that I turned to the left-over drugs I've got in the medicine cupboard, to alleviate some of the D.T' like symptoms I kept getting.

They worked, for a bit.

Then they gave me a headache.

Sort of defeats the point of the liquid fast, anyway, doesn't it?

I've decided to take it one day at a time, just like the 12 step groups talk about. 

Also, what I did with every other addiction I've ever had to get on top of.

It's about all you can do, isn't it?

So, here's one more day gone. 

It was a beauty, weather-wise. 

Fall is definitely arriving, but subtly and gracefully. We haven't had that happen in awhile.

That Mother Nature, she works in the most mysterious of ways, doesn't she?

For now, this is Monaraehill; signing off, from the House of Found Goods, with these last words.

Enjoy the candy.

Ignore the chickens, they'll come around.

Don't forget to smile.

Tomorrow is a new day; we get to practice everything again, and ain't that just grand?

In re-reading that last blog, it definitely appeared despairing.

Since I wrote it; I seem to have had some sort of rebound.

This whole liquid diet thing seems to be a lot harder this time, then it was the last two (or three, or four?) times.

In taking a breather, it does seem as though I'll have one good day, followed by a very bad day, followed by another good day, so I'm hoping that at some point in the odyssey, there will be only good days.

Here's to hoping. :)

I HAVE pretty much given up caffeine and milk, this week (consumption is wayyyy down) and while I ate a little, last night (some fruit and nuts), I don't actually feel that bad about it.

It seems to me that even though I ate, I ate sparingly. So, for that reason alone, the whole thing is worth it. I am still planning on moving into a juice feast as of day 50 (in two weeks), so, so far, so good.

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is not a marathon, but rather, an opportunity to develop a new way of  feeling, thinking, and behaving around food.

Bring it. :)

100 days in the life: Week 3 Roundup.

Week 3 Roundup.

Well, despite only having three appointments this week, it was a week just chock-a-block full of frustration.

While I was able, for the most part, to stick to the scheduled plan, there were so many psychological obstacles, that I began missing food mightily. I decided to give into the yearning, only to find out that food is indeed, my enemy, at this point.

I have no idea which nerves the docs severed in my surgery, but it's clear that it's been food right along, (and NOT caffeine) that triggers the pain in my pelvic floor. Caffeine probably doesn't help, (since it just makes me irritable and edgy, and pretty much makes my head feel like it will explode) but it's apparently the lesser of two evils, for now.

I would hazard a guess that asking my digestive tract to do anything at this point is a mistake, because it simply takes far too much energy for my body to digest food, which robs my brains ability to supply the necessary endorphins that have been helping to mask the chronic pain.

That's my best guess anyway, and it seems as good as anything I can get, by way of diagnosis, from the medical establishment. Nerves are such a strange bodily mechanism, and only so very minimally understood. Sheesh.

If I could only tell that little voice inside me, that finds comfort in food, to back the fuck up, and get back on the bus, then all would be well.

The trouble being, of course, that when you've been addicted to food, as long as I have, it's not quite that simple.

It's not helping that the lack of food is making me completely enervated, or at least, that's what I tell myself.

The truth is that food isn't giving me any energy, at all.

But neither is fasting, and I would have thought that the "kick" from fasting, would have "kicked-in" by now. (It did, by this time, last summer; so much for expectations.)

So, it's not just that the emotional withdrawal is problematic, but add lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of mental clarity, lack of patience, and being in some sort of chronic pain (whether emotional or physical) and you kind of get where I am at.

Pretty much blows.

I just know that food (or perhaps, the action of eating it?) gives me some sort of indefinable boost.

It doesn't seem to matter that the boost is false and does not do what the emotional anticipation says it will, i.e., give me energy.

But, I guess that's the nature of having an addiction in the first place.

I am at my wit's end just trying to get out from under it, though, so I it looks like I will be repeating week 2, a bit longer, and worrying about the other addictions (caffeine and casein), later.

It's early days yet, and while I am extremely frustrated with it, (to the point of not being able to stand myself, even) I have to have patience, that this will, eventually, become my "norm".

 

I will stop missing the false comfort that food gives me. I will begin including adequate and consistent self- care into my life. I will learn how to live in a way that is healthy and fulfilling. I will do without the addiction, just like I have done all the other times in my life, when I was trying to make lasting changes.

Making these affirmations a mantra, seems to be the only thing I am capable of, at present.

I just have to have the patience and fortitude to realize this, (I'm thinking maybe that's the current lesson) and remember it, BEFORE I turn to the same old habit of stuffing food in my mouth, for comfort.

 

After all, when people without food addictions, have trouble with digestion; they simply stop eating.

Of course, they aren't me and I am not them, and so, merely the act of remember to tell myself that if I eat; "IT WILL LEAD TO PAIN, FRUSTRATION, AND DISCOMFORT; feels like an impossible, overwhelming task, most days.

An all-consuming task, in fact.

What I really need is to check into a sanitarium. A nice long stay, in a nice padded, rubber room, (where all they feed you is soup), should do the trick.  (Now I surely know why my mother had so many nervous breakdowns; likely the only way she could truly rest and recharge her batteries.)

The truth is that I am in such a place of struggle, that even that, at this point, would likely be small comfort.

Probably just as well that it's unaffordable, because if I had to grasp at such a straw, and it failed to help, then what would I do?