I just became an affiliate of an Herbal Newsletter. Most of the folks associated with this lovely place, were graduates of Michael Moore's Southwest Botanical School of Medicine, so I've no problem advancing the cause.........Michael was an incredible human being, and probably has done more to keep the herbal information going, then anybody I've ever heard of, at least in our generation! Check out these great links and learn, learn, learn! Blessings and Peace to all!

Plant Healer: A Journal of Traditional Herbalism

And just how did it get to be November, already?

Well, so, I didn't do 100 days, like I was trying to do, with the liquid/juice feasting.

What can I say......things come up, despite our best intentions. :(

I DID do eight weeks of it (I went from August 12 through October 16).

I lost 12 pounds.

Nothing too spectacular.

I have been eating on and off since October.

I don't feel very good, since I also have to take the Oxy-powder (6 of them), or I end up debilitated with terrible cramping that lasts all day, and renders me pretty useless.

It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or don't eat. It all causes problems.
Even pulpy baby-food-like food.

I did have blood-work done. Everything came back normal, with the exception of the BUN, which we expected, on account of the Hep C.

I ended up going back up to Dartmouth, and was considered for a clinical study. I won't know anything more about that, until the end of January.

I am prepping to go back on liquids, for at least the immediate future. I'll likely eat around the holidays (lightly, I hope), and then go back on a liquid/juice feast, come the first of the year.

Halloween and my birthday came and went. I don't feel any different then I did a year ago. Funny how that works.

I am busy prepping for another show (starting Feb. 1) here in town. Was slightly sidetracked by a family emergency, but am now back on track with it.

The family thing was a major upset; but I think we're through the worst of it. I know for sure, that I am.

It wasn't all bad. I reconnected with something very dear and sacred to me (Native American Medicine).

That's all I have for now, and that should catch up anyone who actually cares. :)

I will be trying again in the New Year, to hit the 100 day mark. Stay tuned!

For now, this is MonaRaeHill, signing out from the House of Found Goods.

100 days in the life; 5 weeks and counting.

Well, so. It's been five weeks (or is it 6?)since I began the process of "liquifying/alkalinizing my 'innards'";as I like to say. :)

There have been a few good days, more bad ones, but I keep on keeping on. 

Not entirely sure what else to do, actually. 

In this blog, I want to list the ways in which I am doing well, though, in order to keep things a bit more positive.

I have gotten to the point where I can do two loops (about 1 and 1/2 hours of hiking), around Chipman Hill, at least 3 times a week (as well as stretch, afterwards, for 20 minutes). If I don't get up and around, I usually walk the dog for at least that long, on the streets, so I like to think it works out about the same, fitness wise.

I have given up dairy, entirely. I don't really miss it that much, and in truth, I get full on liquids quite easily now. 

My usual day of intake, is this:

Breakfast is usually (not always), 2 giant mugs (total of 32 oz.) of nut/seed milk with 2 tblsp of raw cacao, and one or two, tblsp. of honey or a mix of honey and agave. (Sometimes, (but no more then 3 times a week), I have tea).

I am not very good about measuring. 

I go by taste. 

Brand of cacao makes a huge difference. 

I've noticed the one from Essential Living Foods seems to require more sweetener; the one from Sunfoods, less. 

In truth, my taste buds seems to change depending on how hungry I am, on a given day, so that's probably the  more important variable. 

I go by however I happen to feel, that day. 

Seems like the best strategy for me, in general, given where I am at, health-wise.

Then I go for a walk. 

Like I said, I try and make it a good one. 

Doesn't always happen. 

Too many variables, and I am often too tired to do all I'd like. 

I like to think it averages out, for the week.

I haven't lost much weight. 

Maybe 6 pounds in all that time. 

This concerned me, so I went to get a bunch of blood-work done. 

Won't know much about that, 'til next week.

I walk, (and I drink a lot of water, before, during and after), then I have lunch (which is generally a whole host of vitamins and Hibiscus/Rose-Hip/Tea).

Pretty exciting, hey?

I usually do errands or work some, (on my designs), in the afternoon. 

The chickens like to come out, so if I haven't got car errands to run, then I let them out. 

They tend to beat up my yard pretty well, so I'm not as generous in this regard, as Rich is. 

Probably why they seem to favor him.

You think? lol.

Then I have to rest. 

Just a given. 

I've gotten better, sure, but only because I have to be pretty rigid with the "every-two-hours I rest", habit. 

It's been pretty essential. 

If I don't do it, I am trashed for at least two days. 

I've learned this the hard way. 

Hence the need for rigidity. :(

Dinner is gathering veggies from the yard, and juicing them (usually about 32 ounces). 

I try and make sure I've got either burdock leaves or dandelion leaves, in the mix, as well as a beet. 

Then I mix the juice with a Tblsp of Miso (I use a variety of types), heat it on low/medium and have a type of "hot" soup, for dinner. 

It's not really hot, of course; more tepid then anything, but it's what I like, especially with the cooler weather coming, so that's what I have.

Then if I'm really hungry (days after I exercise, I usually am), I have another mug of "hot" cacao, for a bedtime snack.

I do better (in general) with some light proteins, (I simply get far too tired without them), so I've allowed myself to use partly organic soy milk (for my hot cocoa), despite the fact that it's not truly "raw".

I figure I'm having acid for breakfast, (especially on the days when I have tea), but alkaline for lunch and dinner, so I should be good.

Because most of my health issues are nerve related, I've also allowed myself to have those ginger/peanut nibs (but no more then 6 a day), and the honey/ginseng slices (no more then 2 pcks).

I don't believe either of these are organic, being of commercial origin, BUT, they are incredible adaptogen/nervines, so I've consoled myself with the idea that they are necessary to my overall wellbeing.

It's just too bad that none of the over 200 ginseng plants I've planted over the last seven years; seem to like my yard very much. 

Or, perhaps it's just me they don't prefer, same as the chickens? lol.

Had the same trouble with wild ginger.

Geez, what on earth am I missing, exactly?

Well, there ya' go. I'm stuck (for the immediate future, looks like) with the commercial types. Sad.

Tonight, though, I took matters in my own hands.

I don't care for ingesting the types of sugar in the ginger candies, so I made my own, with our own honey. 

I also used a jar of the raw jungle peanut butter I had hanging around.

It's organic ginger, organic honey, and raw peanut butter, so it's GOT to be better then the store-bought.

Doesn't it? :)

Anyway, here's the recipe:

2 lbs of organic ginger.

Filtered water.

3 cups of organic honey.

1/2 jar of jungle peanut butter 

(or more, to taste).

Basically, you peel, slice and cook the ginger, in 3 changes of fresh water, for 10 minutes of boil, each cook time. 

Drain well the last time. 

I let mine cool slightly, and processed it into finely diced pieces. 

Then back in the pan with the honey. 

Boil at a rolling boil (medium on my stove), for 20 minutes. 

Let cool slightly. 

Whisk in the peanut butter very quickly and pour into a wax paper lined brownie pan. 

Cool on counter, score, and then refrigerate, until it breaks apart easily. 

Wrap and store in a closed container, in the fridge.

So, that's one hurdle I've conquered. 

As I said, there have been some bad days when I missed food, badly. So bad, in fact, that I turned to the left-over drugs I've got in the medicine cupboard, to alleviate some of the D.T' like symptoms I kept getting.

They worked, for a bit.

Then they gave me a headache.

Sort of defeats the point of the liquid fast, anyway, doesn't it?

I've decided to take it one day at a time, just like the 12 step groups talk about. 

Also, what I did with every other addiction I've ever had to get on top of.

It's about all you can do, isn't it?

So, here's one more day gone. 

It was a beauty, weather-wise. 

Fall is definitely arriving, but subtly and gracefully. We haven't had that happen in awhile.

That Mother Nature, she works in the most mysterious of ways, doesn't she?

For now, this is Monaraehill; signing off, from the House of Found Goods, with these last words.

Enjoy the candy.

Ignore the chickens, they'll come around.

Don't forget to smile.

Tomorrow is a new day; we get to practice everything again, and ain't that just grand?

In re-reading that last blog, it definitely appeared despairing.

Since I wrote it; I seem to have had some sort of rebound.

This whole liquid diet thing seems to be a lot harder this time, then it was the last two (or three, or four?) times.

In taking a breather, it does seem as though I'll have one good day, followed by a very bad day, followed by another good day, so I'm hoping that at some point in the odyssey, there will be only good days.

Here's to hoping. :)

I HAVE pretty much given up caffeine and milk, this week (consumption is wayyyy down) and while I ate a little, last night (some fruit and nuts), I don't actually feel that bad about it.

It seems to me that even though I ate, I ate sparingly. So, for that reason alone, the whole thing is worth it. I am still planning on moving into a juice feast as of day 50 (in two weeks), so, so far, so good.

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is not a marathon, but rather, an opportunity to develop a new way of  feeling, thinking, and behaving around food.

Bring it. :)

100 days in the life: Week 3 Roundup.

Week 3 Roundup.

Well, despite only having three appointments this week, it was a week just chock-a-block full of frustration.

While I was able, for the most part, to stick to the scheduled plan, there were so many psychological obstacles, that I began missing food mightily. I decided to give into the yearning, only to find out that food is indeed, my enemy, at this point.

I have no idea which nerves the docs severed in my surgery, but it's clear that it's been food right along, (and NOT caffeine) that triggers the pain in my pelvic floor. Caffeine probably doesn't help, (since it just makes me irritable and edgy, and pretty much makes my head feel like it will explode) but it's apparently the lesser of two evils, for now.

I would hazard a guess that asking my digestive tract to do anything at this point is a mistake, because it simply takes far too much energy for my body to digest food, which robs my brains ability to supply the necessary endorphins that have been helping to mask the chronic pain.

That's my best guess anyway, and it seems as good as anything I can get, by way of diagnosis, from the medical establishment. Nerves are such a strange bodily mechanism, and only so very minimally understood. Sheesh.

If I could only tell that little voice inside me, that finds comfort in food, to back the fuck up, and get back on the bus, then all would be well.

The trouble being, of course, that when you've been addicted to food, as long as I have, it's not quite that simple.

It's not helping that the lack of food is making me completely enervated, or at least, that's what I tell myself.

The truth is that food isn't giving me any energy, at all.

But neither is fasting, and I would have thought that the "kick" from fasting, would have "kicked-in" by now. (It did, by this time, last summer; so much for expectations.)

So, it's not just that the emotional withdrawal is problematic, but add lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of mental clarity, lack of patience, and being in some sort of chronic pain (whether emotional or physical) and you kind of get where I am at.

Pretty much blows.

I just know that food (or perhaps, the action of eating it?) gives me some sort of indefinable boost.

It doesn't seem to matter that the boost is false and does not do what the emotional anticipation says it will, i.e., give me energy.

But, I guess that's the nature of having an addiction in the first place.

I am at my wit's end just trying to get out from under it, though, so I it looks like I will be repeating week 2, a bit longer, and worrying about the other addictions (caffeine and casein), later.

It's early days yet, and while I am extremely frustrated with it, (to the point of not being able to stand myself, even) I have to have patience, that this will, eventually, become my "norm".

 

I will stop missing the false comfort that food gives me. I will begin including adequate and consistent self- care into my life. I will learn how to live in a way that is healthy and fulfilling. I will do without the addiction, just like I have done all the other times in my life, when I was trying to make lasting changes.

Making these affirmations a mantra, seems to be the only thing I am capable of, at present.

I just have to have the patience and fortitude to realize this, (I'm thinking maybe that's the current lesson) and remember it, BEFORE I turn to the same old habit of stuffing food in my mouth, for comfort.

 

After all, when people without food addictions, have trouble with digestion; they simply stop eating.

Of course, they aren't me and I am not them, and so, merely the act of remember to tell myself that if I eat; "IT WILL LEAD TO PAIN, FRUSTRATION, AND DISCOMFORT; feels like an impossible, overwhelming task, most days.

An all-consuming task, in fact.

What I really need is to check into a sanitarium. A nice long stay, in a nice padded, rubber room, (where all they feed you is soup), should do the trick.  (Now I surely know why my mother had so many nervous breakdowns; likely the only way she could truly rest and recharge her batteries.)

The truth is that I am in such a place of struggle, that even that, at this point, would likely be small comfort.

Probably just as well that it's unaffordable, because if I had to grasp at such a straw, and it failed to help, then what would I do?

100 days in the life; week 3.

Week 3-August 26-August 31, 2012.

            I realized from comparing week 2 to week 1, that in order to stay on track, my goals should be more specific, especially in light of the fact that I DO have two standing appointments on alternate weeks; so those weeks MUST be somewhat regimented. 

          This week is one of those weeks. 

         So.............for week three, I am going to try and be very specific and not very flexible. Also, because of the pain, I am planning on taking a full Amitrytaline on the days I also ingest caffeine, as well as committing to myself, to USE the massage tools on those days. 

        This is very important, and ever so helpful. 

       For some reason, I can use the thumper on my back and neck, for just hours, and get good results. The minute I have caffeine, however, I have to start over, as those muscles all just tense right back up. Plus, my surgical residual pain increases, substantially. It almost doesn't seem worth it, at times, hence why I'd like to give it up entirely. (BUT, it SO helpful when one is tired and lacking calories, so to get through the first few transitions, I believe it's necessary to cut back very, very, gradually. Same with dairy, as it has casein in it, which is very addictive and therefore will cause numerous withdrawal symptoms, if eliminated too abruptly).

            Additionally, I would like to get some full stretch sessions in, (the Miranda DVD's) on the alternate days, which happen to be Mon.Wed.Fri. this week. I would also like to increase Vitamin C, B & Enzymes, to 2x a day. So, in the interest of getting my intentions out to the Universe then, here's my plan for week three:

Sunday:

Caffeine Okay Today (with 2% milk, only).

Up & Down, or Up & Over, Chipman Hill. 3 Sets of Kegels & Abs with the ball.

Full round of stretching with the Pilates arc and the usual floor stretches.

Full bevy of vitamins when I am done (plenty of Hibiscus Rose Hip tea on hand).

Ginseng slices (no more then two pcks) perfectly okay.

Coconut water, herb tea, any juices a-okay. Veggie Juice for dinner w/miso.

Homedics cushion along with leg compression and thumper. 1 full Amitryptaline (10 mg).

Monday:

No caffeine today (not even the thrice-brewed). Stick to cacao & nut milk. Would like to work in an extra stretch session. Apt. with Sharon. Walk dog, twice. Same food regimen as Sunday. 1/2 Amitryptaline this p.m.

Tuesday & Thursday same as Sunday. 

Wednesday & Friday, same as Monday.

Saturday now becomes the "flex" day.

Notes to self:           

Try to stick with thrice-brewed Pur-eh, even on days of allowable caffeine, unless I become exhausted and really need the boost of the 1st steep.

Will need to make Essiac from scratch this week, as I ran out of liver support. 

100 days in the life. End of Week 2.

Week 2 Roundup.

Week 2 goals.

1) Decrease caffeine to no more then 1 mug, (8 ounces tea/8 ounces 2%milk) three days of the week.

2) Decrease smoothies to one per day. 

3) Increase Exercise to include at least 2 walks up and over Chipman hill and at least 3 full sessions of stretching and calisthenics.

4) Use the cushion, the thumper, and the leg compression, at least 3 rounds, (1 hour) at least three days.

5) Use the binaural thera-tappers and the guided meditation tracks, at least 3 (1/2 hour) sessions, minimum of 3 days.

6) Take entire host of vitamins, daily, with the dopamine releaser (2-3 squirts per day).

7) Nice hot, sitz baths, on the days I hike.

How did I do?

            I wasn't thrilled with this weeks accomplishments, but the good thing is that I did not give in to eating solids. This week brought home the fact that the things which trip me up and make me less then successful at meeting goals, are STRESSORS of any kind; especially stress that interferes in my day to day rhythm of self-care.

            This week, I had the added responsibility of showing our apt. that is soon to become vacant. This took an awfully lot of time that I just didn't have in excess (not to mention the energy suck that it entailed). I also had to do some 'catch-up' visits.

            All of this just threw things off and because I couldn't stay on an even keel with my days, I got pushed completely off-center. Hence, I missed my rigidly scheduled wean off caffeine (I wanted to have it every other day; partly to reduce toxic withdrawal, and partly to keep physical energy levels adequate for every-other-day, robust hiking). A Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule seems to work the best for me, in this endeavor. This leaves the weekend free to be flexible (which is what usually needs to happen, when including someone else's agenda into the picture of our lives (that include relationships, anyway)).

            I found out this week that having such a rigid during-the week-schedule with the self-care worked into it, is just critical, because if it doesn't happen, then I self-sabotage.

            Having said that, it could have been worse. At this point, I'll just be repeating week 2, (which was actually built-into the plan), so it's not too awful much of a setback.

                                     So.............where did I do well?

I DID take the entire bevy of vitamins, every day, except for one.

I DID decrease smoothies to one 16oz per day.

I juiced veggies for dinner, every night (as hot soup, w/miso).

I got two good hikes in, and three days of calisthenics/stretches.

I DID decrease the caffeine to only 3 days, but not in the right sequence, like I'd planned (I ended up having it Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, because I got behind on exercise and had to push Thursday). Which means I had a serious withdrawal headache Friday and Sat., along with all the other typical unpleasant toxic dumping symptoms. (Friday and Saturday were TOUGH; the toughest days so far).

I DID manage to use the cushion and the thumper, at least 3 days.

I only achieved one guided meditation (and that was in my weekly therapy session), and only 1 bath.

So...........guess I'm repeating week 2. Hopefully, I'll nail it this week, and stay on schedule for the 3-week mark transition into straight juicing.

Moving right along............ :)

100 days in the life.

100 DAY FASTING PLAN.

My general plan is to ease into a 10 day master cleanse, with a true water fast sandwiched between the two 5 day master cleanses, and then ease out of it, with several weeks of juice-feasting and/or smoothies, on either side.

Here is what I imagine it will look like:

Weeks 1-3: devoted to just adjusting to changes (no solids, and therefore, no need to take laxatives (oxy-powder), and eliminating caffeine and pulpy liquids). 

Weeks 4-7. Smoothies, as necessary.  

Weeks 5-6: 5 days of Master Cleanse, followed by 4 day Straight Water w/Basil, Lime, anything to add interest, followed by 5 days of Master Cleanse. 

Week 7-10: straight juices. 

Weeks 10-14: add smoothies back in, as tolerated.

I am also dedicating the time to making myself (and self-care) a priority. I have assembled a pretty good toolbox, which should help. (I have downloaded binaural feedback tapes, purchased the Miranda DVD's, (for stretching daily), have the back massage cushion and the leg massagers, as well as the thumper, which I am committed to using, daily). Also, when it comes to exercise: I've decided that less is more, and that more frequent, less-intense, workouts, followed by stretching and the occasional robust hike, is the way to go.

 

End of Week 1 report: August 19, 2012.

Well, so, it's been a week. There have been moments of fatigue, and hunger, but nothing major. I did have a headache mid week, (which I ended up taking Ibuprophen for...........probably the daily caffeine from the tea, but could also be detoxing as I've definitely got the fuzzy tongue). 

I allowed myself any and all liquids I wanted, including yogurt smoothies, milk, juice, caffeinated tea/coffee and nut/seed milk cacao w/agave sweetener, along with a whole host of vitamins (which I took at least every other day). I've only lost 1/2 pound, but my B.M's, were much more regular then I expected. 

I have used the Homedics cushion several days, and the thumper every night, the last two or three nights. Early in the week, I had reduced my Amitryptaline to a half, but with all the caffeine I ingested, I am now up to a whole one. That should change, again, this week, as I am trying to eliminate caffeine, as of tomorrow (Sunday, Aug 20th). 

I am feeling better about it, all around, this time. Don't know why, but suspect the self-care piece is crucial. I DID have almost an entire watermelon tonight, but feel okay about it, as I DID climb Chipman Hill last night, and Buck Mt. today. Finished the rest of the quart of yogurt, mixed into a smoothie, with nuts and coconut, for dinner. 

So, basically, these first few weeks are transitional phases (first all raw, then all juice, then MC, etc.) 

Right on task! Stay tuned!

This spring, for the first time ever, there were desperate people, living up behind the house, in a very public park like space, which borders hiking trails. They were there for several weeks, and even though I felt somewhat invaded, I did not report them to the police. I found the situation to be unsettling, but not threatening. It was clear that the couple was merely down on their luck, and trying to create function and stability in their lives.
It also made me feel sad and torn, that our economic climate has made even small towns, in the middle of nowhere, subject to providing housing for what I refer to as "the transient folk".
When I lived further south, this same phenomenon would transpire in the summer (the river folk population would swell enormously), but it wasn't for over twenty years before the nearby woods also became a regular haunt.  When I left that area, there were at least two families, that I know of, residing permanently in tents and lean-tos, all around the town. They would pick up and move every few weeks. Some of them had very small children, babies, even. It saddened me greatly, to be witness to it. This was a gradual, and albeit hidden process;I was likely only one of a few who even noticed the expansion. I was sad to leave there, but not for this reason. Truthfully, the burgeoning homeless population became increasingly violent and unpredictable, with much untreated mental-illness in the mix. It got so even if you wanted to help, it was dangerous and unnerving to brush up against the population at times.
Desperadoes, are well, desperate.
They will make decisions that they would never have made before they were desperate, just due to changing circumstance. Many of them, once arriving in our mostly liberal state, began packing firearms (who knows how, or where, they got them?). The combination of no gun laws, and mental illness + no home, can be, well, dangerous.  Dangerous and desperate. I learned this first hand, as  a child, and not really wanting to live around it, I wasn't too sad to move away from this aspect of the old town. For awhile, the new town remained geographically remote enough, not to entice this urban overflow.
I guess, truthfully, I should have realized, that along with the economic collapse, there is literally no place remote enough, for people wanting to survive, to turn their noses up at resources; especially if they seem free or in excess.
I decided that I was spooked enough after seeing these folks living on the hillside, to eventually purchase a shotgun, for home protection. Just in case the desperadoes, well, get really desperate. They could get desperate enough to start raiding the countryside. Maybe not tomorrow. Or next week. Or even next year. But, along with several friends, I believe it will come. It's the nature of revolution. Anyone who eats regularly, during a revolution, is  suspect. That would be us. We will need to protect ourselves.
So...........back to the point of this blog..........I began the process of researching my rights and obligations. Just in case, you know, the desperados should someday show up at my door, and insist I feed them, or something else, not as nice.
Turns out Vermont has NO laws concerning personal gun control. I only had two specific questions for someone, indeed, anyone, at the state level.
My two questions (which I have  not yet, despite numerous hours of research, gotten an answer for):
1) Is there any kind of law for carrying a concealed weapon? CAN i obtain a Concealed Weapon Permit, for my handgun, or should I just walk around with it, on my ankle,hip,shoulder/back, permit-less?
2) Can you please tell me what the law says I should do?
3) What is the obligation to retreat , in Vermont? Specifically, is there some sort of obligation to retreat, if someone is invading my home, intent on stealing my things, either to hock, or to eat? I mean, should I jump out my 14 foot high window, and hop in my car, to avoid them, or do I shoot them, or feed them, or both? Feed them, then shoot them, especially if they are greedy, and want desert?
4) If I shoot them, what happens? Am I protected by State Statute as blameless?
Well, okay, yea, that's 4 questions, that's true.
The ONLY one I have an answer to, is question #1.
Nope, there's no permit process in our lovely liberal state. Carry it concealed, Carry it out in the open. Nobody cares. Well, alright then. Can do. Moving onwards and upwards.
My next questions:
I first started at the Attorney Generals webpage. There's a pretty general page there, stating that you can't bring a gun into a public, state, or federal building. Common Sense right? On account of, you know, they have those signs and now, scanners. And of course, no schools, shopping centers, or library's, etc. Although, without needing a permit, and without having to go through a scanner, who would know whose breaking the law on this one? It's gotta make ya' wonder. It certainly did, me. :(
They couldn't (or wouldn't) answer my very specific question. They referred me to the sheriff's office, who couldn't (or wouldn't) answer my questions, either. They referred me to the ATF; because they felt it was a federal issue, due to the fact that Vermont has so few gun laws (huh?). So............if I shot someone who had invaded my home, the ATF would come in and do what, exactly?
Well, now I was really dumfounded, and figuring someone had to know something, I found a local ATF branch number in Burlington, and got a call back, today. The guy I spoke with (a former state police officer in MA.) and I, had a very nice conversation, which ended with his recommendation that I call the Attorney Generals Office. Which I did, and since there are so few gun laws in Vermont, their only recommendation, since I was researching anyway, was to look at the justifiable homicide statute. WHOA. Well, we had quite a few laughs about that one, I can tell ya' so.
Their final recommendation was to contact an actual attorney at the Addison States Attorney's office. Oh, yea. I should have done that, in the beginning. Stoopid me.
Except, well, they won't talk to you, as they work for the state and if you need this kind of specific information, their recommendation is to contact a private attorney, pay for it, and get your answers there. Because, you know, it's all situational. As a citizen of this state, there is NOWHERE and I mean NOWHERE, to look up cases where particular incidences of home protection were NOT prosecuted by the States Attorney's office. There's too much gray in both the law, and the minds of the bureaucrats, who enforce it. It's entirely situational, don't you know?
Which, of course, ended with me right back to the beginning.

I don't know about you, but my head is spinning. And I still don't know the best way to deal with that potential intruder. 

Do I stay and shoot? Run and shoot? 

Or maybe, if this should happen, I should just say: "Hey, take anything you want, but please don't make me shoot you. It's far too complicated a thing, from you know, a legal standpoint!".
Justifiable Homicide aside, what's a person to do? I guess if I want to commit 300 bucks towards the shotgun, I should also commit another 200 bucks to the private attorney, to make sure, you know, that the potential intruder doesn't die with my home-made chocolate, on their lips, or in their belly. Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

The Political Structure of Vermont

Certain things have happened to me at the political level, in Vermont, which have left me confounded, confused, dismayed and distraught.

I seem to be the kind of person who refuses to just turn a blind eye to injustice. Because of something that happened years ago, I had thought I had made my peace with the fact, that the price for yelling: "Hey, The Emperor has no clothes on!", means that I was blacklisted statewide, and the only way I could make a living in this state, would be to work for myself. Unfortunately, because I refuse to put up with bullshit, even that has it's limitations. Even when people like my work, they won't buy it. Who knows why? If I were even a tad more paranoid, I'd say that it's because they are worried about appearances.

When I can maintain any kind of objectivity, I usually scoff it up to the fact that my creative work straddles too many lines and since it can't be categorized, then it is dismissed. I am not famous enough for my work to be heralded (by the sycophants of the world), and my furniture pieces are not technically good enough to be considered accomplished, and because all of it, together, defeats categorization, it is admired and then, dismissed.

I've tried hard not to take this personally, but it's been really, really, really, difficult. I know, from knowing myself very well, that part of me does want recognition, but more then that, I just want my work (and the time and effort I put into it) to count for something. Even if it only counts to my family and friends.

But even that, seems too much to ask. So now, now I am at a crossroad. I know (from an objective standpoint) that the cost of being one of "those" people, with "A Beautiful Mind", is rejection, ridicule and even dismissal, but the reality of living with this dynamic, I am finding impossible to bear. Just impossible.

It doesn't help that the very people who I thought I could count on (family and friends) are also among the simpletons who want the association of being with "The Beautiful Mind" part of me, but can't stomach, never mind accept, that there is a cost associated with all that I have born, which has found a channel of expression, in the creative part of me.

Isaac Newton even said it. Energy MUST go SOMEWHERE as it can't be increased nor decreased, just diverted.

That is true of most creative genius's, they are rarely understood or applauded, until they achieve notoriety, or death. And then, all of a sudden, they are everybody's darling. All of the barely there followers, now want to wash their boots, and carry their coats. Gah.

Truthfully, this kind of adulation is quite sickening to me, and is not something I would ever want. I would really become a recluse, if I DID ever get famous, out of sheer self-preservation from the sycophants of the world.

However, having said this, what I would want, is the understanding from family and friends, that the creative genius side of having the aforementioned "Beautiful Mind", has a COST associated with it. I have born that cost, for the most part, bravely and adeptly, with humor and resilience, to the point where I have found, that my lovers quarrel with the world of humans, must, by necessity, exert itself occasionally, with the refrain that the emperor has no clothes.

As far as I can tell; SOMEONE has to say it. And since I have nothing to lose by doing so, (as Janis Joplin said: Freedom is another word, for nothing left to lose), then I must do. Especially when it involves injustice of monumental proportions.

I do it. Even if it means I am shunned and rejected, by the entire world, but even if it means also, that my family and friends refuse to accept it. As far as I can tell, there are just too many sheep (in the form of humans) out there, already. I never wanted to be one of them. So, I am not. I've already paid the price, tenfold.

Because I am a very fair-minded person, I don't think that others (who have to work here in the state), should have to bear the cost, as well. I know that people almost have to be schizophrenic to deal with the political manifestations of working in this long (but small) state. I do know that. Freedom for me means that I don't have to play this sickening sycophant game, anymore. So, I don't.

I thought I had made it clear that I was willing to spare those I cared about, from the mayhem that ensues, when one person does not wish to bite their tongue, when things go badly awry. I guess, that too, went mis-understood. For that, I am sorry.

The objective part of me feels truly sorry for the people who have to live with someone that has "A Beautiful Mind". Another part of me wishes they'd just buck up and realize that everything that makes us up as humans, has costs associated with it. Most of my research into other people through the ages, who were creative genius's, has shown that there was a downside to their personality. Most of the time, a pretty big downside.

Collectively, the thing that doesn't show up in their stories, is whether or not the people who cared about them, could accept this about them, and love them for it, anyway; understanding that it was just part of their psychological make-up. Sure, in hindsight, they seem to, when the stories get told, as epitaphs. But, in reality, I suspect that these stories get told, just because the people involved, COULDN'T understand them, during their lives, so they had to alleviate their guilt (and work through their own despair at their failure) by creating a story in which their loved ones creative genius was heralded, post-mortem.

Fat lot of good it does them, then, hey?

Well, I am also reminded of the people who knew this about themselves (there aren't that many, neither in stories, nor in historical accounts), and chose to remove themselves from further engagements with people they care about, in order to spare them both, further struggle. Because there's truly no denying that living with creative genius/'s, IS an incredible struggle. For them. For the people they love. For the people who love them. It's truly difficult.

Maybe the best humans CAN do, is applaud them post-mortemly? I suspect so. It is for this reason that I suspect people commit suicide. They know. It ends up being a giant "fuck you", really. I totally relate. "You can't love me while I am living, so maybe you'll realize how badly you fucked up, when I am dead, and you miss being massaged, spiritually, by being in the presence of all that creative energy." Yea, I suspect that's pretty much the purpose of suicide. God knows I've thought about it, so many times. But, I won't do it. I won't waste the life the Goddess gave me, by even playing the game in this respect.

I've vowed to myself, that I won't stoop to that meanness that lies latent in the spirit of humanity, which only allows for love retrospectively. It's tawdry, and small, and so incredibly base; this inability to love and cherish the people who come into our lives. To see the gift, and want to be surrounded by it's power of life, all the while knowing that one doesn't have the courage to find it for oneself. Inviting it in because one doesn't have the courage to create it, for oneself, and then dismissing it, when it fails to satisfy, because it is shown to have marks of some sort or other. Such is the baseness and smallness of human nature. So incredibly flawed, this inability to love and cherish the gifts we are given.

It doesn't say much for the human race, does it?

Well, what I can do, and will do, is just remove myself from the mix. Just like an "Etch-a-Sketch". Shake it and it's gone. Or like the "Never-ending Story".........."why, it's like the nothing never was"...........

So. Be. It. Miss me when I am gone. Fat lot of good that'll do ya'.

As I am reading this, it comes to mind that maybe that's the point, actually. Negative based humans need negative based everyday trauma, to feed on and stay alive.

This is likely how it'll play out: "That Mona, she was a genius, and she had the best, most fun, energy, ever, but she wasn't worth living with, on account of, you know, she was nuts and it made us afraid, so finally she left. Oh, poor us."

Yea, that about sums it up, don't it?

Day 8 (or is it 7, on account of Friday's mishap?), whatever.

Today, I thought I'd say a little about Dairy. I've included Milk (organic) and Kefir (yogurt) in the first phase of my transition, because I found that it helps to coat my stomach, not only with mucus, but also with the added probiotics from the Kefir. These are two things that I need rather desperately, right now.

My body happens to need the mucus because of the fact that I have had chronic diarrhea for the past few years, (western medicine has failed to determine the culprit), so much of my natural mucus has been eliminated. I know this because I see it in the toilet, and also because I have a constant dry mouth and throat.

While there may be other things that might help to build mucus (seaweed being one of them); I found out not too long ago that the fat from milk helps to encourage the liver to produce bile. Since lack of bile is another medical issue that I have been struggling with (i.e., gallbladder issues; either I don't have one, it's atrophied, or it's inflamed), I feel that if there's any chance at all for this to be true, then I should give my liver what it needs.

I also feel that with the chronic diarrhea, I must surely need as many probiotics as I can get, so I am not necessarily cutting out Kefir, either. I do intend to set aside some time in the next weeks, though, and try to figure out a source for raw milk and some starter to enable me to make my own.

Having said that, I also DO intend to cut out most (if not all) dairy, over the course of the next few days.

I DO have leftover irish moss seaweed still soaking in water (from the holidays) and I just incorporated the healthiest batch of sprigs, into a gallon of nut milk that I finally got around to making. Along with a Tblsp. of lemon juice, this should stay fresh enough to get me through the next week, or so.

I also have organic non-gmo soy milk as a back-up, if need be, but I am also going to try and make my own soy-milk, sometime in the next few weeks. I know the hype about soy-milk, and I am not the least bit concerned about the build-up nasties that occur with consistent use of the stuff, as I will be switching back and forth, quite regularly, between soymilk, kefir, milk, and coconut milk.

Let's see.........is there anything else I wanted to talk about, today?...........I guess there's not too much.

Physically, I feel better then I did last week at this time. My walks and stretching are helping to release the constant phlegm in the back of my throat (which may or may not be, milk related, as I did have a pretty good cold a couple of weeks ago).  I did have a slight headache this a.m., and some dehydration, but all and all, I feel, on the whole, pretty clear and like my body is clearing itself out, some. I seem to remember my teenage years, constantly clearing phlegm from the back of my throat, in response to a cat allergy, so it does not concern me greatly. I think purging dairy short-term, will be a very good thing, tho, in helping it to continue to clear up. Adding in the seaweed will hopefully aid in keeping my mucus membranes lined sufficiently, so that I am not clearing/coughing/swallowing, all the time.

Other then that, I have begun the process of only pulpy liquids (in the form of smoothies) in which I integrate super green food powder, raw protein, milk-thistle powder, frozen fruit, fresh juice, flax seed oil, and clover sprouts. Along with the veggie/medicinal soup puree that I have at night (for dinner), I am feeling quite confident and in control. My stomach has started to grumble a lot less, and my detox symptoms are quite manageable. The best thing, though, is that I have stopped taking Oxy-powder, (a supplement with laxative like qualities), every single day (which is a necessity for me, when eating solids).

So, even though I am not feeling close to wanting to switch over to juices only, at this point in time, I am confident that I will know the right time to do so, and will be ready, willing and able, when that time arrives.

On that note, I am signing off with some food for thought (no pun intended), and that is that we are not all one size, so our diet and/or fasting processes, should not be, either. :)

This is Rara Avis, signing off from The House of Found Goods.

On making the transition to straight juicing.......

I thought a lot about this, this morning, while walking the dog. It led me to realize that transitions, for me, are the hardest things in life.

I say that because my own personal learning curve, throughout most of my life, has been fairly anxiety producing, as well as slowwww (it seems to me, anyway), despite the fact that people who observe me think I pick things up fairly quickly. If they only knew. lol.

I am not patient with the process, not at all. I want to know everything there is to know, about new things, in the first week, usually! Failing that, at least in the first month. :)

This seems to bleed over into most things, including exercise. I found exercise in my early 20's, and quickly realizing that it had numerous mental benefits, I began to explore many ways to get my "fix". I became a certified aerobics instructor (which was difficult for someone with no background in regular physical fitness). I next explored a more formal version of dance aerobics, (jazz), then step aerobics, which transgressed to running, which transgressed to  rollerblading, and finally, I found hiking, which has remained my hands-down favorite thing to do. :)

Where am I going with all this?

Well, in all of these ventures, the one thing I found to be true, was the transitioning process. With much hindsight, I have begun to realize that this was actually the hardest part to all of the things I have tried as "new" things, throughout my life. Taking baby steps, for me, is the ONLY way to do anything different or new. I have found that as a consistent theme in my various and sundry creations, and conversations with musicians over the years, has only verified it in the process of making music, as well.

With that in mind, I realized today, while walking, that I have approached fasting with this in mind (albeit subconsciously). I have broken up the process in my mind, to phase 1, phase 2, and phase 3.

Phase 1: I allow myself any type of fluid (even pulp), to include dairy, (for a couple reasons, one medical   and one practical, which I will expound upon, later), to include supplements, to include caffeine, to include smoothies, to include soup pulp, some small portions of liquid sweets, etc. etc.

Phase 2: Preparing sufficiently to begin phasing out dairy 3-4 times a week (but not hot soup pulp or essiac), and definitely phasing out caffeine (unless absolutely necessary in the form of green tea and mate), and most sweeteners (except royal jelly and bee pollen).

Phase 3: Straight juicing (to include teas, fruit, supergreens, etc.)

Who knows how long this will take, but I think it may take some going back and forth, between phases, for some weeks. After all, I think I probably quit smoking no less then 6-10 times, before it "stuck" as a new habit. I think fasting (weaning away from food), is probably just as potent in the withdrawal process as many other addictions, and I believe that it takes just as much mental/emotional/physical preparation.

So...........this is week 2, and I definitely feel more on top of things then I did last week, at this time. I have essiac made (and in the refrigerator), I have lots of herb tea blends, and a light therapy box, coming in the mail. I did use the thumper the other night, and made space and time to stretch today, which is ever so helpful. And now I am off to purchase some vegetables for soup broth and juicing.

A small aside: I am beginning to wonder (based on my dreams/sleep quality, of the last couple of nights) if the Sunfoods Cacao is NOT raw, like the reviews from various raw food chef's, have noted. My dreams are usually not quite that vivid, unless caffeine is involved (I have found out that heating cacao, changes the Thomabromines to Caffeine). It could also be, however, the lack of calories. This often happens to me in response to calorie reduction. Just in case it's the cacao, though, I am going to be ordering some from Essential Living Foods and giving it a test try, see if anything changes.

I will be reviewing my findings on Cacao, Dairy, and Raw/Pasteurized almonds, in a new post, so stay tuned!

For now, this is Rara Avis signing out from The House of Found Goods.

re: Day 7 is interesting so far.........

Not that I was counting especially, because I have left my challenge open-ended in duration.

I left it open, because really, it seems pointless to go back to eating solids, when they give me so much trouble, anyway. I can't think why I ever went off my other fast, in July, except that I was in too much pain (trying to get off the various nervine drugs), that I couldn't be bothered to stay in tune with the discipline it takes. I think, too, that I just missed food, especially sweet food.

I personally think that most of us do have a sweet tooth, and that many of us are genetically predisposed to having it, because of what I know about the biology of the brain. The brain uses sugar first and foremost. That is it's fuel. It cannot utilize other types of fuel, such as protein and fat, without the body converting it first, into sugar. It stands to reason, then, that a sugar craving is the first hurdle we will have to overcome, once we shave our calories in half (at least), by attempting to fast.

I think day 5 (Friday), when I had that sugar jones, it was because of this very fact. I also think that the brain will fight for supremacy, and if you don't heed it, you do so at your own risk. It doesn't seem to have mattered that I ate a bag of candy and a 1/2 cup of macadamia nuts, in terms of weight-loss, as I've lost 5 pounds already and it's not even been a whole week. Which indicates to me, that it was indeed, a severe lack of calories that I encountered on Friday night, and that my brain was definitely in charge of the scene.

No matter how much willpower one possesses, it does not come close to being enough, when the brain is involved. That's probably a very good thing. And since the whole topic of the brain is such a long-winded discussion, I won't have it here, but I will say that I believe that that is where meditation comes into the picture, and probably the only way to "settle" the brain down enough to get it with the program.

Of course, in order to meditate, I believe there not only needs to be a welcoming physical space set up for it, but also a good clear space in the mind, embracing the idea of it.

The perfect time to do so, then, is after I've vented physically, by walking the dog and stretching.

With that as a goal, I am cleaning again today, and hoping that with clean floors, and uncluttered physical spaces, it will enable my brain to follow suit, and find a way to be uncluttered, as well.

We'll see. :)

I did want to say a little about the fact that I am not limiting liquids in any way, shape or form. I believe this will help with the boredom factor (this is thanks to my friend Renee, on FB).

So, yes, I AM allowing dairy, (when and if I feel like it). I AM allowing caffeine in tea and coffee (when and if I feel like it), and I AM allowing some sweeteners (like honey and agave), when and if I feel like it.  And last, but not least, I am also allowing pulpy liquids (like kefir, rapplesauce, and raw protein shakes with superfood greens), when and if I feel like it.

A small word on dairy. A former nurse friend of mine and I, were discussing bile, and she looked in her Taber's Medical Dictionary, which indicated that the liver really, really, really, likes, the fat and sugar from dairy, in order to produce bile. Whether this is true or not (i would not be surprised to find that it's just one of many ways in which the dairy industry has infiltrated western medicine), I don't think I am going to rush to rule it out of my diet, especially in light of the fact that I am having issues with my gall-bladder. :) I will, however, be investigating ways in which to obtain non-gmo organic soybeans in the next few weeks, enabling me to start making my own soy milk, to have in phase 2 of my journey.

I believe that initially (perhaps the first 3-6 weeks) it is vitally important for me to have the things that comfort me (in my liquids), including dairy, because I believe that too much deprivation, too soon, will do nothing except to act as a deterrent.

In line with this, I also believe that cutting too many calories too fast, is not a particularly healthy thing. I know from biology that we are genetically predisposed to only losing 2 pounds a week. Any more then that is a type of starvation, which isn't terribly healthy, either (and sets us up for all sorts of other complications, down the road). Of course, this depends on how healthy one is, to start with, and how much extra weight one has.

For me, 2 pounds a week, is what I can manage, (physically and/or mentally) from where I am at, right now.

As the weather changes and the days grow longer, I believe that I will be able to wean away from pulps, sweeteners, and dairy, and thereby switch to all juices, broths and teas. For however long it feels good. How's that for open ended?

As for supplements. Yes, I do take a slate of them. Especially in what I like to refer to, as phase one (the first 3-6 weeks). And I am going to add fish oil to the battery, shortly. What do I take? Here's a list:

Garden Of Life Raw Vitamin C, Garden of Life's Raw Vitamin B, Enzymedica Enzymes (ViraStop and SerraGold), Pure Encapsulations NAC (for my liver), Pure Encapsulations M/R/S (a mushroom formula), Young Living's ParaFree (which I take just because of all the essential oils in it and not because I am doing a parasite cleanse, but hey, it's a fringe benefit, just in case, right? lol), Liquid Vitamin D & E, and Renew LIfe's Power Cleanse 1 (which is mainly for the Vitamin A). I do need to do some research on finding a better Vitamin A source, as well as a source for Alpha-Lapoic acid, but all and all, I think I am hitting a home-run with most of these.

The real benefit of the essential oils is that the "awful-scaly-iron-on-my-sensitive-teeth-sensation", has pretty much abated. The other benefit from all these supplements is that they make me feel like I am helping support and sustain my body's mitochondria, thereby assisting my brain to relax and "get-with-the-program". Vastly important.

Well, many goals for the upcoming weeks and I will definitely be updating the blog at least every other day (another goal), as well as trying to get my website updated and renewed.

I can't say I feel great today, as I didn't sleep all that well, but I definitely feel better then I did last week at this time, and I am hoping that slow, gradual, improvement in my physical and mental energy, will soon appear. Here's to hoping!

Rara Avis signing out from The House of Found Goods.

re: The Struggle with Fasting.

Well, it was day 5 yesterday, and that old "crawling out of my skin" feeling came back, viciously, indeed.

I read about others accounts of their struggle with fasting, and it's helpful, but unfortunately, not helpful enough to prevent me from relapsing.

It doesn't even seem like the same struggle at times.

My struggles with the initial detox phase of fasting always seems to revolve around the psyche and not anything to do with physical discomfort, although I guess if you call mere hunger, physical discomfort, then there's some of that, too. It doesn't seem to be the overarching discomfort, though, in as much as my body isn't very demanding in that way, these days. In fact, when I DO eat, especially solids, I am more uncomfortable, then when I don't, so from a physical standpoint, it's actually a relief, in many ways, NOT to eat.

For me, it's much more of a psychic challenge, then it seems to be, for others. Right now, I am disabled physically, so I am unable to use the tool of exercise, as a venting tool, like I once would have, to flush the ghosts and demons out of my  head.

That only leaves creating (which is another tool that I found over the years, to help with distancing myself from myself, as it were), which I find I have very little interest in, when I am not eating very much.

So cheating by eating some sugar, finally, and allowing that my brain is needing something other then what it is getting, is just another way for me to realize how mentally addictive food has been for me, over the years. And it's also a wake-up call that I did not prepare adequately, on some level.

Right now, I am rather uncomfortable in my life, and I have personally created so many demands (what with the birds, the dog, and the chickens), on my time and energy, that it's almost impossible to stick with my plan. (Or, at least, it was, for the last week, anyway).

Which tells me that I didn't do a good enough job at preparing for the endeavor that is fasting. Which also tells me that I need to stop and re-evaluate what I could do, differently, this week, in order to succeed through the detox phase (without giving in to the sugar call), and thereby get to the other side of the hill. (A little bible metaphor here.........Job's repeated struggle up the hill......:)

I know that I did not do a sufficient job at creating a space to stretch. My kitchen (while it is somewhat cleaned up from the Farmers Market deluge of a month ago) is still quite a mess, and is not welcoming to having the pilates arc put on the floor (where I do my stretching routine).  The floor is filthy and needs mopping (which I don't have the energy to do), in order to avoid getting sticky residue on my exercise stuff.

I also know that I did not do a sufficient job at creating a space to meditate. (Which is another whole ball of wax that I am currently unable to repair.)

I felt dehydrated a lot, which tells me I did not drink enough of something. I am plenty bored with water, and tea, and miso broth, and I have no idea, short of spending a bunch of money, how to make something that I find entrancing enough to spend my waking hours of slogging up the hill, with.

We put ourselves on a strict budget this year, so even though I have begun to collect a regular disability check, it still isn't even enough to dig ourselves out of the overage damage that we incurred last year, when we weren't paying close attention.  That alone, is depressing enough to just despair over, endlessly.

Even though fasting does cost less then eating (I think), making vegetable broth is quite an endeavor and quite costly, despite the fact that we have many of the vegetables to start it with, in our cold-frame. Organic vegetables are costly and the time/energy to make it, is also an expenditure I don't seem to have, at the moment. Roasting dandelion coffee (although essential to have) is also another thing I did not do, this time, despite having plenty of root, in backstock. So today, I am drinking coffee (decaf) and having some dairy (cream) in it, just because it's something different I can do, to stop being so darn bored with all of it.

For me, apparently, one of the drawbacks to being successful on the fasting train, is boredom.

I read back on all this, and think about it, and realize that inertia is also a tremendous problem for me.

Whether boredom and inertia are types of depression or not, I'm not sure.

I do know that all I can do, is start again, and try to do better this week. So, once again, the plan is to:

Get up. Walk Dog. Take vitamins with vegetable juice. Tend Chickens. Feed Dog. Stretch. Eat pulp if hungry by then (usually yes). Read Homework/Research. Drink lots. Create. Drink lots. Meditate. Take drugs. Sleep. Get up. Do it all again.

Sounds so simple, doesn't it? (Actually, when I re-read it, it sounds rather boring. ho-hum.)

I have to say that in many ways, I've (we've) created a very simple life-style for ourselves, that many, many, many people, would envy, highly. And yet, and yet, it still isn't simple enough to lend itself to enabling the kind of retreat that I find necessary (from a psychic standpoint) to enable me to be successful at fasting. I feel like I should add something, anything, that would stimulate me a bit more. But I am hampered by this disability, and have no idea what that would be, exactly. sigh.

What a struggle it is, finding new (and different) ways, to stimulate my mind so that it doesn't miss the oral gratification of chomping on something (whether that be food, or finger-nails, or nuts, or candy). That urge to just chew is incredibly strong in me. I find it impossible to believe it is a form of pica, or lack of nutrition, since I take an enormous amount of supplements.

I am convinced that it is anxiety, pure and simple. What to do about it (so that I can be in control of it, instead of the other way around), is the thing I am not so sure of, since the usual tried-and-true strategies are no longer within my means to utilize.

Well, like Rich says, I need to follow the advice on one of the many inspiring refrigerator magnets I own: Fall Seven Times, Stand up Eight.

Something practical that I CAN do for myself, is to obtain a light therapy box (even though it is most definitely NOT in our new budget), and thereby, increase the amount of daylight I am receiving (and unable to avail myself of, at present).  It is definitely dark here, and for sure, that is NOT helping.

I have also made an appointment to see a new therapist, whose specialty is PTSD and who does EMDR work, which I am hoping, will likely help, tremendously. The fact that she is only one town away is a positive improvement, since the one I was seeing, was 45 minutes away (which meant a minimum 3 hour trip), and was a type of self-sabotage more then it was helpful.

I am also hoping that since I have cut my calories pretty much in half, even eating only a bit of pulp, that the weight loss will continue (2 pounds last week).

But, I do need to qualify that and say that I need to figure out how to find the balance in not cutting calories so far that it leaves me too cold and exhausted to do the other stuff that needs doing, or leaves me feeling impotent and disinterested on a psychic level.

Hmmmm........lots of new challenges for the new week ahead.

Rara Avis signing out from The House of Found Goods.