The Agony and The Ecstasy of The Study of Energy.

Since May of 2025, (when I first picked up my drum), I have had the rare opportunity and blessings, to be able to 'see' all sorts of things, but the most important thing, is: Energy.

Yep, I can see ya'lls faces right now.......WHATTTTT? YOU CAN STUDY ENERGY? WHO KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL US? WAHHHHAHA!

Well, I'm telling you now, so settle down and hang on for the ride, yea? lol

So, Energy......if you apply good journalism to the definition, you'd first have to look through the "who, what, when, why, and where" lens, so let's start there.

The "WHO" of Energy : Inexplicable (nobody knows except for the gods and nobody knows how to talk to them, anymore, either, so many humans will likely never know).

The "WHAT" of Energy: Also Inexplicable. (there are so many different kinds of energy that even Einstein could not come up with a math formula for them all).

The "WHEN" of Energy: Only scientific definition is the Big Bang, which was never very satisfactory to me, because it felt so.......idk.......lacking somehow.

The "WHY" of Energy: Again, the only explanation available, not very satisfactory to moi.

The "WHERE" of Energy : AHHHHHH, THIS, THIS is where the fun really begins........Yezz, indeedy.

So WHERE is Energy? : Everywhere.

Is it simple to see? : Yes.

Can anybody see it : Yes. (It IS simple to see, once you train your eyes and your brain, sufficiently).

Is the work involved in doing this, easy? : Nopey. It's taken ME 65 years.

So, let's skip to the chase and examine how I did it. And please remember, that I am a NOBODY from NOWHERE, so if I can do it, you can, too.

IT WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL and all happened because I picked up a drum.

WHOOPSY......and.......OH, MY GODDESS.

I would be in ecstasy if I just picked up my drum and wandered all around the world gathering up "Peace" and "Goddess" chants, from all the different religions and forming a universal "drumming for peace march", along the way. That's how much my drum has inspired me......not entirely sure my body could really do it since it's been quite compromised*, but man, doesn't that sound just like a divine quest?

*I just tried a "dancing for peace" weekend and it tuckered me out completely and I only danced for a single hour on the two consecutive days........eesh.

I am clearly not embracing the Crone as well as I'd hoped. ugh. Well, that may yet happen, who knows? The goddess doesn't seem to care either way I go, so I suppose that says something......

So, in getting back to the study of energy: I can't tell you any of the above, except for maybe the "what".

Energy IS, on the whole: Completely Inexplicable.

It is divine, bewildering, intensely beautiful, enriching, overwhelming, ecstasy inducing, trance inducing, colorful whirls of interwoven, playful, mischievous, imps of threads who do not much care for any kind of order humans might want to impose upon it.

In short : It's utter CHAOS.

But Chaos with its own type of order, once you get comfortable with it. I am reminded of all the folks I have known who have said this very thing: "It's not what you think". It is, in fact, a place where thinking is not all that welcome, actually.

The ONLY way I have ever gotten there, besides accidentally, was to prove to the Goddess that I revere her and would NEVER do anything in her realm to cause problems and that I merely desire to observe and learn. When I picked up my drum and learned some chants, she granted me passage.

Going back to the WHY: I have been singing my whole life, whenever I could, despite being tone deaf, so I'm 100% sure that helped. Example: you know you have to sing the Goddess Kali chant ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT TIMES, to invoke her protection? There you go. I am quite sure I have sung and/or chanted, wayyyyy more then 108 times to any and every god. lol. My life is proof incarnate that Singing and making music is NEVER wrong for humans, IN ANY WAY.

It was Jimi Hendrix, I believe, who said: "If there's anything to be changed in this world, it can only be changed through music." I concur. I completely believe that it is our ONLY defense against great Evil. Historically, The African American slaves knew it, The Native American slaves here, knew it, The Mideast Nations know it, The South American countries know it, The Australians know it.

The ONLY other countries that have successfully censored music, are CHINA and NORTH KOREA. I am abashed to find out that while I have been spending the last 15 years, healing, America has joined them. That SCARES ME. No, actually, it TERRIFIES me more than anything else that has happened.

Even the fact that nobody has pushed back on police and sovereign immunity doesn't scare me as badly as municipalities outlawing music.

Going back to the "WHAT", now........the ONLY way to talk to ANY entity on a different plane of existence, is THROUGH music. TRADITION is another one, except that one of the TRADITIONS is MUSIC. Another one is CHANTING.

The American Government has shown repeatedly throughout history, that they are not shy about obliterating other cultures traditions. So, if you don't sing or play music, find a way to chant....whatever you can do to transform some energy in a good, healthy, enriching and soulful, way. (Buddha says we should always approach the world as beginners). Beginners make mistakes. Learn to Accept that in your journey and the Gods/Goddess, will rejoice, right along with you.

Musicians and politicians and celebrities will project unto you (and even think this, themselves), that they are divine beings because they have learned to manipulate the power of their chosen craft, ("absolute power corrupts absolutely", don't ya' know?) and have allowed the power of adoration (from money being thrown at their feet) to make them think they are more powerful than they actually are.

Do not believe them. They are merely catalysts for keeping the "soft-arts" alive, on behalf of the gods and goddesses. We are also acting as catalysts when we give them our hard-earned currency. It's okay, albeit completely unbalanced.

Because these folks will most likely NEVER get to talk to a god or a goddess; they are tripped up by the power they have been given and use it unwisely (from a place of great EGO). "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility". Thinking that they are entitled to have this enormous gift, without ANY ensuing responsibility, to their fans, is EGO.

What I have learned from observing energy: MOST other entities (who live in other dimensions), prefer ANY sound EXCEPT for the very EGO-CENTRIC Anglo-Saxon habit of perpetually grating the consonants and syllables of the English language. It sounds obnoxious to the Gods and they perpetually remind me of this*.

* Ego's Mirage

In walls of bravado, I stand so tall, But deep down inside, I could crumble and fall. These echoes of grandeur, they shimmer and gloss, Yet brittle and hollow, they speak of my loss. With each boastful claim, I fortify fears, A fortress of pride, built from laughter and tears. So let me be gentle, let shadows take flight, For true strength is found in embracing the light. (Unknown).

So, in closing, I leave you today with this advice:

Start the process of getting to know yourself, very, very, intimately. (Pema Chodron: "Just start where you are"). I have been channeling light without realizing it, for the past couple of decades.

Find a way to let go of things that are hurting you, by doing something every single day, that honors and cares for your highest good, while at the same time, not hurting anyone else. (Dalai Lama; "If you can't help someone, at least don't hurt them").

Embrace any spark of divinity your subconscious or consciousness is trying to show you, by learning to listen very, very, carefully, to your intuition. (The ONLY thing we have that nobody else can take away.)

Tell yourself every day: "I am the ONLY one who can do the work that needs doing, on myself. I start today, right now, right where I am". I have HAD to do this, many, many, many times.

If you've EVER even dreamed slightly, of becoming a musician, take an overused and basically, stollen*, but wildly successful caption, from Nike: "Just do it".

*Yea, along with washable fitted velcro diapers, I was incidental in launching these ideas, also unknowingly at the time.......believe it or not.

I can't guarantee you any attention from the Goddess, (prolly not for years) but I can guarantee you will be better today, than you were, yesterday. And you can be even better tomorrow. (Buddha: "Just do the next best thing and keep doing that, eventually, you will see".)

The one major teaching of the Buddha, when asked how he got so wise: "I woke up".

 Good Day from Hermit Haven!

Not much to report, but I did finish a bunch of things, creatively speaking.

There was a mandala on hold since last fall due to the fact that the brain dead majority has spoken and the lights started being manufactured with reflectors. Awful for my craft since they are absolute HELL to get through the backs of my pieces. Anyhow, so that mandala took most of the winter, laying in the queue, waiting for an actual set of  fairy lights without reflectors. The best I could do, in the whole wide world, was find some with oval reflectors, which are much easier to deal with, but still not really ideal. This friggin' world, hey?  In any case, I finally got it strung, and it was for an aging 80 year old who sounds like she's failing, so good thing I got it done, as her birthday was earlier this month! Man, this friggin' world, huh? 

Well, I digress. What I wanted to talk about was my Grandmother Rose. I spoke with her a week or so ago, whilst drumming, and our lingering relationship was somewhat resolved. Talking with the Ancestors is quite a trip, lawdy. 

In any case, this mandala fought me every step of the way, so it's in time out, for  the moment. I ended up stringing this one like a drum, it was so badly behaved. But, it's done, now, and waiting for lights to lose their memory. I unstring lights when I get them and restring them around trays, to encourage them to be a bit more user friendly. (Second Photo).

I see it through my window and it brings me such comfort and a great deal of nostalgia that I never got to really know my grandmother Rose. I was the youngest of six, but I was also the luckiest because I went home with her for my first six weeks. OOPH! She had to have been in her 50's, and to take that on? That's sort of remarkable, isn't it? I explained to her how much gratitude I had for her in doing that, and we came to some mutual understandings. 

Here's to you, Rose! They got a good one in Heaven! 

Well, hello from Hermit Haven. 

I realized that since I have so much Amasake (and that, that, now, too, has become a problem for my mostly challenged brain), I decided to do some experimenting. 

Well, for many years now, I have had Korean Pine Nut Trees in Vermont, because you know, I just love the pine nut and it's unaffordable, cause yea, they are mostly imported, now. It's such a shame, because they do grow here, but we don't seem to have the technology to process them anymore, so we have to pay the going price of 30+  bucks a pound.  The ones I have in Vt are in half whiskey barrels, buried in the ground and I have no idea how I am going to get them out of there, but it is what it is, hey?

In any case I digress: What were we speaking of? Oh, right, the Korean Stone Pine. There are at least 4 other cultivars I know of, but this is the only one I actually got to grow in Vermont. They take about 10 years to have fruit, so since the ones in Vermont are almost that, it's time to get them moved. I still need to find a hand nut processor, which is not cheap, but is necessary as the fruit (nut) has a hard brittle shell, that is anything but pleasant to bite into. Who knew? 

So, without further ado: Meet the Stone Pine!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_pine

What an extraordinary little tree, hey?

Here is a recipe for vegan, sugar free, pine nut cookies. 

1 egg.

1 cup pine nuts. 

2 cups chestnut flour

1/2 cup amasake

1/2 cup almond milk

lemon or lime extract

Baking soda (1/2 teas) & Baking Powder (1 tbsp). 

Whir it all up.

Bake at 325 for 45 minutes. 

You can sprinkle lemon flakes, coconut flakes, toasted nuts, everything? on top b4 baking. 

Hello from Hermit Haven. 

My goodness, I want to say Well Met, but not sure that means anything to anyone. 

Well, all righty then, I'll just spill.........I tapped into the wind this morning.  

It was mysterious and divine and enriching and hilarious, all at once, and it blew my mind, quite properly. 

Did you know the wind has a Tempo? NO, I mostly did not, either. 

I'm still completely entranced by it (the experience) so I don't know how to talk about it yet except to say that I have so few good experiences lately, that it was a saving grace, for sure. 

WOW.

Dear Goddess: Consider me Gobsmacked! 

I get to do that? Ride the wind currents someday? Holy smokes. How damn lucky am I? I get to fly, without even leaving the ground? Hallelujah. Who knew about this and didn't tell me? lol. All kidding aside, I almost lost my mind last time, so it was just remembering for me. How did I forget? I never want to forget again. It's SUCH a blessing!

Now I know why the drum was so sacred to the Natives. I would definitely lie and hide mine, if someone came along thinking they were gonna take it. It truly IS a sacred instrument. It taps us into our own heartbeat and that of the universe, too!  I am completely in love with it........my big BEAR Bass Drum, it makes some delightful sounds and it's VEGAN. So impressive. 

BTW: I have NEVER played drums before I got this one. I had a Djembe in Vermont (it's still there) but it's so big, the machinations involved in actually moving it more than a few feet, and sitting up to play it, are restrictive. Plus, it involved a trip to the city for lessons, and I can't travel for events anymore, so it just sits there, quite forlorn.

The Boorah is quite easy to lug up and down the hill (twice a day, now), and the sound is as close to the heartbeat as anything I've EVER heard. In fact, I will tell you that part. 

I had a pergola installed up on the second landing and I started kitting it out for ceremony. I had placed my canners on the pig roaster with the covers on top, the bottom one up and the top one, down, but maybe the other way around, I can't be bothered, so check picture.

The breeze started jiggling the lid around, of the one on top, so I started to play along with it. I did it many times, and it NEVER once changed. Now, I find myself wondering if it's the same every day......how can it be, though? If it decreases and increases in strength from day to day, doesn't that mean the tempo would change? I have Sooooo many questions for the Goddess, now. lol. 

For today, It was consistently the tempo of either an adults heartbeat or a child's heartbeat. Right after I discovered that, I went into a weightless state, for about 20 seconds, until my brain stepped in (my brain has some serious trust issues). My big, beautiful, afflicted and fucky brain, sigh.  (see my post from yesterday.)

Well, I did it once, I can likely do it again, I hope. lol. 

It was timely, as I got triggered in class today. Doesn't seem like I can escape the Disrespect and Dismissiveness that seems to be just part of others, all of the friggin' time. 

I do not know why I am so triggered by these two things......but it is uncomfortable because I get the awful monkey tummy, still. (Versus the Monkey Brain, which I also cannot seem to tame).  

Because yea, the Universe is often perverse, so if an issue that you haven't resolved keeps presenting itself, you just gotta know that it needs examining and healing, Well, in the US now,  I can't find a therapist to help me figure it out, and I don't have the money, anyhow. EESH. 

Guess I gotta' do this one on my own, too. This is why I steer clear of people, none of them ever seem able to help me with these big, mind altering, life altering, questions, prompted by my experiences. 

This big Bear life of mine is a sure enough doozy. But, today, for the first time in a long time, I felt such profound gratitude that it made me cry (and my brain doesn't much like crying, either, so I literally can't most of the time)......fucky fucky brain of mine....thanks, I guess.

Something sure is shifting and if I go nuts with this round, who's gonna even care? So, I think (hope) I am ready. Do I dare say, "Bring It"? Well, I guess I just did. lol.

In closing, don't forget to try and do at least one thing today, that serves your higher good. 

I did, but, now, I gotta rest. That took A LOT of spiritual and psychic energy. So, very small hits are the order of the day, so this time around, Baby steps all the way. 

From the craggy edge of reason in the woods of Maine, keep the faith and don't forget to breathe.Remember to breathe every chance you get! You won't be sorry.

I particularly like this song, but it has nought to do with my post, or maybe it does? I have no idea, still pretty much tripping balls and jiggling my chair around the cabin without even trying. lol.

https://youtu.be/88lEWTEk3jg 

 Well, good day from Hermit Haven. 

I have really tried to keep this blog about plants, but there are other things that need saying, too. 

The big important imperatives that drive me as instruction on how to live my life are Integrity, Honesty, Respect for All beings, Right Thinking and Right Speech. These are not all strictly Buddhist in nature but they could be. It's funny how all religions just look the same once you delve into them, isn't it? 

In that vein, I have spent the last 25 years studying NVC (Non-Violent Communication), intermittently, as well as training under various Shamans in Energy Healing and Frequency Divination. 

As far as frequency divination; I found Bi-Neural Beat Frequencies to be quite helpful in the early part of my healing journey. They require headphones and are based on the energy frequencies of the brain (Delta Theta, Alpha, Beta)...that's super fun to say fast, I dare you! lol. In any case, the theory of bi-neural beats is that a frequency of sound waves (Mhz), only one pitch in difference, is sent to each ear and they wrap around the brain (on account of the headphones), thereby resetting the frequencies. It worked really well for me, but I understand now that it has been taken even further, with technology. It's a fascinating body of research that is still in its infancy, but I suspected it would take off with the advent of AI, and it did. Dang, but I wished I had bought stock in these companies. lol.

Another truly useful thing I found was Meditation. I think I mentioned that I have pretty severe cPTSD that gives me crippling anxiety. Mostly because when I become super stressed my brain actually goes into hyper-alert mode and refuses to acknowledge most (if not all) allopathic drugs, as well as giving me much insomnia. I actually have a suitcase with many different protocols to choose, when my brain starts up with this clamoring nonsense. 

The best and least harmful, but most expensive, drug, I found, is not covered by big Pharm. Presumably because it is too good and everyone can grow it, so no money in it.  Yup. It's Marijuana, or actually the non THC form of CBD (just one of the 112 known about cannabinoids). It literally gave me back my life. 

Not only did it work well for my nerve pain, it forced my brain to make dopamine. Now, I don't know how much to say about that, but what I know from my journey, is that our big, dual, human brains, trick us constantly. 

I believe It's because we have MORE neurotransmitters (NT's) that cause us to Run, Fight, Freeze or Hide, than we do NT's that allow us to become calm and peaceful. It's a survival mechanism. It's also a pain in the brain. Our brains get highjacked when we are born into a very stressful and crisis fueled environment. The NT's that allow us to survive this shock, are the Corticosteroids created by the release of these hormones (cortisol, mainly) by signals from the Amygdala and Hippocampus. 

Unfortunately, by the time we are FIVE years old, there's no turning back, the brain starts cleaving up NT Highways that are not being used. So, if your brain did not make the good NT's (Oxytocin, Serotonin, Dopamine and Gaba), by then, the brain starts cleaving those centers out. And yea, our big dual brains leave us pretty much screwed. I've always said there's no mind f**k like the one we do to ourselves, no comparison, no how. 

So, me, little ole me, training my brain to start making those pathways again? It's a minor (or maybe a major), miracle. Or at least that's how it looks from outside. Most people who get good at something, make it look easy. Even my FUFO's (Frigged Up Family of Origin) thinks that it's magic; because they are all still stuck at Ericksons Developmental scale of 3 years old and the magical thinking of that age.  (For more on this, read Ericksons developmental stages in early childhood.)

I am here to tell you all that it isn't any kind of magic. It was actually death defying and endless hard work that made me feel like I would go insane, time and time again. There were many times my cPTSD was so bad that I would literally shake like a junkie, in withdrawal, for 6-8 hours at a time. When I finally felt well enough to rejoin the world, the triggers started to come again, fast and furious at times, with no relief  in site. 

Remember I said my brain goes wonky on the subject of allopathic drugs? I can literally take 10-15 Valium's at a time when it gets this way. It does nothing, except make me throw up and get a migraine. Same with Liquor, same with Hydrocodone, OxyCodone, Demerol, liquor, food, sugar, yeast, beer, and anything else that other folks get to turn to for some relief. 

The UVM docs, first tried me on gabapentin, but this made me into a zombie. Then, after all else they tried, didn't work, as a last resort, they tried Cymbalta, and wasn't that a lark? I got zero relief and ALL the side effects. Made me feel like I was going blind. EEEK!

Well, I finally got off those and the other 4 they had me on and started taking CBD. Did I say it saved me? So sorry to repeat myself....actually.........NOT. I consider the marijuana plant a miracle drug, right up there with Peyote and small micro-doses of LSD and Ketamine.

But I digress..The UVM docs pretty much tried me on everything, for the nerve pain they left me with from their botched surgery. 

Unfortunately, the one thing they couldn't do, was rebuild my beleaguered brain and nervous system (12 hours on a table, under anesthesia, will do that to a body). That little aberration, I had to do, myself. I believed it was possible, from all my studies, so I began that journey, next (after weaning off all the drugs). It was mostly good. Except for the 6-8 hour stints where all I did was breathe consciously, for just hours and hours and hours. Sometimes all night and into part of the day. 

Because the other thing that happens when a child is constantly terrorized, is that they hold their breath and tense up while the abuse is happening. After it happens enough times, they completely forget how to breathe properly. So, the first step to healing is to relearn how to breathe. There are many, many, breathing practitioners out there, so I won't bother posting a link, because the ones that helped me, may not work for you. 

I developed my own particular breath work which is actually quite hard work (this is me, easy never on the table, not ever).  But, it did condition my lungs to relearn how to breathe properly. It took a longggg time. I also used the bi-neural meditations from the insight meditation timer, in sync with my breathing practice. I have now meditated for well over 2000 hours but I consider myself still a beginner. Isn't the rule of thumb is that it takes 10,000 hours of practice before you can expect to become a master? 

Well, that's okay, the Buddha says we should all approach everything and everyone with a beginnner's mind, so I don't mind. It's actually rather fun. People are way nicer to you when you are honest and say: I don't know, (when you don't) because they are happy to talk about and share what they DO know. I get a LOT of helpful info from folks with this approach. And information is currency, don't you know? 

So, at some point, in the interest of helping folks in the best way I can, I plan to make a video of my practice. It's vital to learn how to breathe properly, as a first step to meditation. Most folks who tell me they can't meditate, I see as a direct indication that they actually can't breathe consciously. In much the same way that GABA is a precursor to dopamine, learning how to breathe is a precursor to meditation. 

So, you see, it's not so much a meditation problem, as it is a "discipline in breathing", problem. Did you know that Dolphins HAVE to breathe consciously? They have no choice. We humans and our big dual brains, though. WE have to relearn everything that was taken from us when we were terrorized as children. It's a long, hard, slog. And about as far from magic, as a body can ever get. 

I am just an uber stubborn, now "old" lady, that doesn't know when to lay down and die (the devil and me? we are arch enemies). I have been told that I have the most advanced case of cPTSD that most therapists and psychiatrists have ever seen. So, if I can do it, under these stressors, then you can, too!

If I have ANY advice that is worthwhile, I would say: Never give up hope and keep the faith. But, more, much more importantly, remember to just breathe! Trust me when I say that making friends with your breath is the best thing you will ever do!

In that vein, today, I leave you with these quotes from Andrea Gibson and Amanda Gorman. 

"The only noise louder than destruction is creation".

"For there is always light, if we could only seek to see the light, if we could only seek to BE the light." 

Powerful words. 

Choosing consciously, to use Right Mind, Right Speech and Right Presence, is incredibly hard (impossible, for me, very often). But so very, very, worth it. 

And anyway, it's all about the journey, and not the destination, because yea, we already know the destination, don't we? (dirt nap). 

Why waste a single minute in service to a lower state of being? It's a high ideal, but did I mention how stubborn I am? 

So, from Hermit Haven, to the wider world: have a great rest of the week. Go play. Go sing. Go dance. Try to do one thing every day that satisfies your higher good. 

From the craggy edge of reason; I am here, if you need me. 

https://youtu.be/Eo-UKCxCglg

Good Morning Vietnam! lol. 

I loved Robin William's acting, but maybe I liked him because he was so bipolar, not sure. His interviews always sorta bothered me, cause I am so visual, I can see the pain folks try and hide. (I have always said that inside every Comedian, there's a 3 year old, waiting to be let out so they can go blow up some shit). I do know that in an interview of his so called best friend, he mentioned that Robin would have to hop on his bike and ride around the hills of Hollywood after a show, just to take the edge off. His friend said he would ride anywhere from 100-150 miles at a time. Since I used to also do this, when I had a bike, I get it. I never really liked bikes that much though, and I definitely preferred hiking so while I admire that impetus, since it shows discipline, the woods and trees were always my succor. 

So, here I am. In the woods, FINALLY. 

It sure did take a long time. 

Whewy. 

Did I mention in this blog anywhere, that I was/am 3 parts Bear?  Anyhow, in my life long search for meaning, and during a really bad time, I was gifted some Medicine Cards, and boy did they help me make sense of so very many things. The Cards were produced by a Jamie Sams (who, incidentally, was shunned by doing this), who was Cherokee/Seneca. You can read about him, here: https://native-americans-online.com/native-american-jamie-sams.html The person who loaned hers to me is beyond kind at heart, so I owe her a debt of gratitude since you aren't really supposed to loan them out. She was probably adept at sage-ing and other purifying rituals, so she prolly didn't even think it a big deal, but I do. Here's to you Jesse, you are often in my thoughts!

Anyhow, the theory is that we have 7 animals who are our spirit guides for life. Normally, this would happen when the young person becomes a human, and gets their name at a naming ceremony. (Prior to their naming, they were just sort of considered babies and not yet able to become full-fledged members of the tribe.) 

The spirit animals are arrayed in seven directions, North, East, South, West, Above, Below, and Within. The animal medicine  follows the medicine wheel somewhat, but is truly a mythology all on its own. Natives had a LOT of ceremony, and it was very community oriented. I don't think I would have done well with this last part and would likely have left the reservation on my own, if my ancestors hadn't already. 

Well, I digress. I have BEAR in three directions, Above, Below, and Within. 

There's some dolphin in there........did you know that Dolphins have to breathe consciously? They have no choice. Makes sense that I would learn to meditate and do other solitary pursuits, doesn't it? I mean, a Bear is Solitary, and meditation is all about learning to breathe properly (consciously), so it makes perfect sense to me. 

All of the other critters in my lineup are also power animals......it was, and still is, a LOT to manage; Eagle, Hawk, Turkey, Dolphin..... mostly flying animals and one pretty great swimmer. Makes sense that I would look to the mountains, and the sky all the time, and not much care for the water. I mean, you ever seen a BEAR taking a bath? I'm sure they do, but probably only occasionally and only uber privately. lol. 

As far as the other stuff, my hands and feet are HUGE, and I used to hate never being able to get a proper pair of footwear that did not hurt my feet. Then as I got older, I realized my feet were one of my best features......I can actually grip rocks, pencils and branches, with them. I could probably eat with them, too, but I have never actually tried. I mean, I would if I had to, but why bother?

  

It does help to explain why I always wanted to hike and climb trees, tho, doesn't it? 

And also why I was always able to talk to animals and plants and I was always able to hear their voices. 

It's kind of a miracle, isn't it? 

I am abashed to say that I forgot I could do this when I was a child. I remember now, though. It's a divine sort of calling and it makes me feel like I am talking to angels. 

I believe this is true for everyone. We all experience magic when we are young. If only we could be wise enough as children to remember not to forget it. Well, we CAN actually remember, if we are willing to work hard to overcome our conditioning.  

And if I can do it, with my incredibly dysfunctional background, then anyone can. 

Just remember the magic. 

Sounds so Simple, doesn't it? 

It's the simplest thing in the world and also the hardest, simultaneously.  

Buddhist philosophy says that life is suffering, you cannot advance until you become friends with Suffering. Once you do make friends with your shadow demon, then you have taken the first step to Enlightenment. Pema Chodron talks about the Tibetan Charnel Grounds and how, as part of their practice at a monastery, one of their challenges was to go spend a night (or three) in the Charnel Grounds. Talk about going to meet your maker, face to face. I am pretty sure I would never actually choose to do this. Kudo's to you, Pema!

I spent my childhood in the Charnel Grounds of Human Dysfunction, and I learned everything there was to know there, about suffering. Not saying I am particularly enlightened, but I sure am DONE with all that nonsense. 

I made a vow to myself when I got here, and that is that nothing can be allowed here, unless it's beneficial to my higher good. I don't think that's particularly enlightened,  but it works for me. 

It is, in fact, one of the first steps of the 8-fold path. If it does not serve your higher good, then just say "no". This is not selfishness, it is essential. And it is only the FIRST step.............

Eckert Tolle said it best: 

If you are not comfortable in a situation, you have four choices. 

1. You can figure out how to learn to accept it.

2.  If you cannot learn to accept it, you can try and change it. 

3.  If you can't change it, you can try and change the way you feel about it, i.e, accept it. 

3.  If you cannot do the first three things, you must leave. 

ALL ELSE IS MADNESS.

Or to put it another way......"All unhappiness is caused by being unable to accept what is". 

And on that note, it's another fine day weather-wise here at Hermit Haven. I haven't decided what projects I want to work on (if any), today, so I gotta go talk to the Buddha and find out what the next best step is. 

Here's to moving towards sanity, a little bit more each day. 

I leave you with this:

https://youtu.be/Mi8Tl1EphOs

Good Day from Hermit Haven.

I am not entirely sure I don't have ancestors even through distant marriage in New Zealand. 

I DO know from researching on Ancestry that one of my half great aunts did, in fact, marry a one-armed wallpaper hanger named Pete, (last name Dennehy), fresh off the boat, from Ireland. He promptly killed another man in a bar-room drunken brawl and got sent off for life. That particular great aunt never remarried, which is zero surprise to me. I mean, choices out of desperation......they usually don't work out too good for anybody, do they? 

A piece of this that strikes me as odd, is that I wonder why he didn't just choose to be sent to Australia, since it was still a choice then (I believe). I sure would have, but I guess there were children involved, (which alas, usually means more to the parent then the children), but honestly, why would anyone expect their wives to take their kids to a prison, to visit a dad they don't even know, and who they are possibly afraid and ashamed of? Anything in this vein is pure fantasy. (One thing I have learned from studying people for so long is that the more dysfunctional a person is, the more weird and impossible, their dreams are, if they have any, at all).  

The funniest part to all of it is that he managed to sire a son named Brian Dennehy,  (not even sure how  THIS was possible),  who became a pretty good actor. You suppose he would want anyone to know this about him? I sure wouldn't and wouldn't want anything to do with anyone "back east", either, cause at some point, you gotta move ahead and choose the dream you want to live for the rest of your life. 

So,  since we are there: my dream for the rest of MY life, is to talk to plants, rock, snakes, badgers, deer, bigfoot, birds and other spirits that also want to communicate with me. 

Along those lines.........

I am so pleased that one of my tall bush cranberry bushes has decided to bloom (it's ONLY a year old). It's always a fascinating mystery to me how different plants react so differently to different micro-climates. In Vermont, the soil was also not good when I got there, because the northern neighbor's abandoned well, kept flowing into our yard, so it took me years to make it sturdy enough for plants. But the main point of this is that the Elderberry LOVED all that water and bloomed like there was no tomorrow, wayyyy before anyone else, with the cranberries a close second. It appears to be the exact opposite from Vermont, here. The Elderberry here is 3 years old, and hasn't bloomed even once yet. The Cranberry did, though. I know that means something, (micro-climate-wise) but I am not sure how much of the science I want to even know. 

I just love it that I can bear witness to it. It gives me a nice little puff of dopamine. :)

I remember planting honey berries in Vermont for the first time, and the second time, and the third time, until I found a more acidic and sunny spot, in the yard, where they could thrive. Despite the fact that they are a cross between honeysuckle (dreadful plant) and Serbian wild blueberries, they definitely exhibit more of a blueberry preference for their existence. That tricky Dna (thanks Mendel, I think). 

I will say this about Honeysuckle, and that is that it is a very tough son of a gun, plant, that will grow almost anywhere. If it weren't such a nuisance, I might even like it a bit more, because it DOES smell heavenly, while in bloom. Alas, it isn't even a good bird food. It's much like potato chips for humans, it's junk food because the berries have too much sugar and not much else. Nutritionally, they are much less fatty, low in protein (which is vital for migrating birds) and overconsumption can actually change the color of their plumage, restricting their ability to find a mate. For all these reasons and more, I find it a horrible plant which I try and eradicate whenever possible. 

Luckily, there's not much knotweed on our lot, because I am always on the lookout for it, but the Rosa Rugosa is even more INSANE. Another horrible plant that isn't fit for food, (the same is true of THEIR berry composition.) Kinda like the difference between cultivated blueberries and wild ones. The Rosehips from Rosa are much BIGGER and more plentiful, but they are missing a lot of the goodness inherent in the flavor of certain domestic roses. I mean, if you're going to eat RoseHips, it's important to have sweet vs. so tart you can't swallow, right? These buggers are TART! Since Sugar is a no-no, it would take me wayyy too much honey and maple syrup and money, to make those suckers even CLOSE to edible. 

Hard Pass on those, too. Off with their heads! lol. 

And they're so incredibly prolific, is that EVER a good thing? 

I mean, I garden so I can interact with my plants, not just throw a giant 6' round diameter mound of knotweed in the ground and forget about it. I guess that was also a thing in the 50's........did they even get a tiny bit wary when the nursery sold them that one, do you think? "UH-YUH, it grows fast and makes a nice hedge!" Well, it does have loads of Vitamin C, so I suppose that's something, but the plant is so ornery, I don't know how you'd even pick the berries! EEE-GADS!

Lawdy, but the things our ancestors did not know to be aware of, are killing all of us, now, and that's a sobering thing. I try to make sure that everything I do, moving forward, will feel good seven generations from now.  And, no, I am not really native (although only 2 generations removed), but I live like one and I am trying to honor my grandmother Nettie and all of the Elders I did not have the pleasure to meet this time around the wheel. 

So, on that note, here is my new baby.  (And here is, also, my bridal wreath). The both of them so very priceless. :) I often stick my face in the Bridal Wreath on the way by, it's a wonderful little puff of dopamine for my beleaguered nervous system. 

So Incredibly Essential to our survival, no?

 

Good morning with your news from Hermit Haven. 

Well, okayyy so I don't blog everyday, but I DO try and I gave off putting the dates on these, cause google gonna do it for me. lol

Yesterday was a good day, first time in six weeks that the whole day was decent. Decent temperature, Decent Breeze, Lots of Grandmother Sun and Grandfather moon, and playing with my drums in between projects. 

I didn't get too much accomplished, but the weather was pleasant enough that it drove me outward and inspired my muse, so this is what I did.

There's another shed coming later today and I have to have coffee and/or tea, in order to work all morning getting the cement block retaining wall done on the sloping side of the pad. 

Then I get to decorate another shed! Wheeee.....this is fun! 

6/8/2025:  The News From Hermit Haven.

So, this a.m. me and the girls went up top with my tongue drum, to see who we could call in. 

The Doe's (and their kids) really like the tongue drum, I do too, it's one of my faves. The other critters come to the boomba drum, (it's my name for the frame drum), like Bigfoot, Possum, Foxes and other ground critters. I have yet to try the drum that sounds like the ocean, I need to figure out how to get some bb's out of it, as it's a bit loud. The birds seem to like any/all of the drums, even the Cherokee Elk drum, which is quite hard to coax sound out of, and my least favorite drum of the four. I actually suspect it of being a toy, or a trophy thing, or it needs tuning by someone more in the know, than me. :)

Anyhow, so today, a mother and fawn came out up by the well. I could tell they were looking to get over to the brook on the Westside. The baby was not scared at all, it was munching contentedly in the Driveway, but the mother was keeping to the camouflage of the woods. She finally headed over after the fawn, but then she came back alone. She stood and stared at us for about 20 minutes, the fawn didn't come back, so she left and we came back down. 

I put a lot of stock into communing with these guys. They have a LOT to say, but you have to stay present and keep your ears on. Which is not to say I don't talk to them, because I do. But, I much prefer to just stare at them, as they are staring at us. 

I have no idea if they understand the language of the drum, but I suspect they do, since it likely goes back lineages. I believe it was why the drum was so Sacred to the Native Indians; it's just one way in which they spoke with the animals. They actually made a habit of swapping out flutes, for the drums, in order to distract the Colonialists....take the flute away, no problem. They had active members who could just whittle flutes out of branches, so taking their flutes would have been a pretty good joke, they were savvy that way. It's just one way I aspire to be worthy of the teachings of the Grandmothers. 

As for the other critters, I don't take pictures of the animals I commune with, because another of the historical teachings of the Natives was that photographs were "stealing" little pieces of their souls, with each click of the shutter. I often wonder if they knew about energy healing longgg before the rest of the world...They  probably did, as their Sun Lodge ceremonies were also quite secretive and private and I believe it is still that way with some of the tribes, so at least they were able to salvage something of their lineage. 

I thought it would be nice to walk down the brook to the camp, today, barefoot, but that's going to require a bit more intervention either this fall, or next spring. The Rosa Rugosa all over the property, is astounding. There's actually some in the brook, cutting off access to all but a few small creatures. It's good in a way, as I found quite a few little pools that the smaller critters can bathe in, but man, it's vigorous!  

Boy, do I need a tractor! lol.