Greetings from Hermit Haven in the Backwoods of Western Maine. 

My goodness, so much has happened since my last "transmission". lol. (Private joke). 

I have been quite overwhelmed with the BIG MOVE to the point where it has taken me all this time to unload that monstrosity of a house in Vermont, Pursue a legal Action, and sort through all the debris of a life lived, mostly unhappily, for the last 25 years. As it happens, my unhappiness made me into a collector of sorts (yarn, mostly), because I was very depressed with the outcome of my botched surgery in 2010. In any case, that's neither here nor there, but hopefully, it will help to fill in the gap. Just use your imaginations, yea?

So, onwards and upwards......... I have been trying to decipher whether to leave or stay, on my 25 acres of land. If I had my druthers, I'd prolly leave, but between the pets and the physical maladies I struggle with, daily, I likely won't, in the foreseeable future, anyhow. There's also the matter of that civil suit I feel I need to be present for. And the fact that I can actually afford this lifestyle but not a nomad one. (Isn't it too funny that this process (VanLife), is now almost as much, and in some cases, MORE than a mortgage?) That seems to be an ongoing trend, buying smaller and more efficient appliances is now much more expensive than buying the larger, ones, even when they are often very cheaply made, discontinued, models.

World Economics Writ Large, yea? It's more than a Tad Bizarre that there are NO economic model representatives for the times we are currently living in. Ooompah.

I HAVE been researching Camper/Vans but not sure I could even do that physically (Vanlife), so I will likely drop down to a lessor rig that I can buy custom bed/kitchen combo units for. Within my budget, so there's that. If I bought new, (VAN/Camper: the only way I'd feel comfortable) I'd HAVE to sell my property to settle the note, as I am simply not interested in incurring more debt. 

With what's going on in the world, I don't believe that would be the wisest choice, since the only place left on my bucket list is New Zealand, so I can wait out whatever's next quite easily here. I can live here without financial help from State Services, even, so I am pretty happy about that. My social security is just enough to maintain things here and I do not believe I will find ANY peace anywhere, to match the level I have here, so it'd be kinda hard to leave it, I think. Time will tell, I guess. 

On that note, I have left many times in my life, only to just circle back to the same place, time and time again. 

I began to wonder, today, if that's everything? Like Jack Nicholson said in the movie: Maybe This Is As Good As It Gets? Maybe our lives are just built, circles upon circles, like the wonderful modern fantasy film: The Wheels of Time? 

Since I have been able to 'see' energy, I am beginning to believe this. I 'see' the same patterns in human energy, repeating constantly. I used to think that this just couldn't be. And, of course my inner 3 year olds constant refrain of "Why, Just Why?" has to come to bear, here, My grown up, one too. Maybe my grown up lexicon is "Just What in The Holy Hell?", so not changed that much, in essence, really?

But yea, the circles keep intermingling intermittently and it begins to hurt my brain, my body and my emotions, if I stare too long into the abyss that is the Human Animal. The colorscape in the Matrix seems to be blurry where all the humans lines are floating around in the ether. I can't make a judgement on that except that it is very distracting. If I am to follow the colored lines of the ancestor linkages, and the current lives muddy up the ether, (so to speak), how can I follow the lines of colors to the Spirit Lands? It takes a LOT of energy to decipher just exactly which lines to follow, so I get exhausted quite quickly.

Of course, I'm giddy, spiritually, but there's always a cost, isn't there? It makes my eyes hurt, my brain hurt and my spine retracts quite painfully from all that intense staring. So, yea, there's the cost. Ain't nothin' free in this life, and the Gods (and Goddesses), couldn't care less if we have to pay the cost, cause yea, they already did. But, don't take my word for it. It's in every religion. Someone pays the cost for the rest of us. In the bible, it's Jesus, in Buddhism, it's the Bodhisattva. I'm sure if I looked long enough, I'd find that theme in ALL of the religions. Pretty sure I've already done that work, in order to get my higher degree, so not doing it again. But don't let that stop ya', I'm happy to be mistaken, so if you can prove me wrong, here's to YOU! lol.

So, for anyone that was EVER envious of me, and my mostly peculiar and inexplicable gifts, get over it, already. 

I got the gifts because I was willing to pay the cost. The cost was HIGH. You didn't get the gifts because you weren't willing. To Pay The Cost. That's on YOU. Got nothin' to do with me. So, get over it and just accept it, already. Next time we meet, perhaps you will treat me like a complete stranger, that would be ideal. 

THE END.