Fine morning to you, from Hermit Haven here on the jagged edge of reality.

THE MISTAKES YOU DON'T FIX.

I thought today, I would talk about time and energy, and how sometimes, it's not worth fixing something because it makes for a diminishing return.

Take these bookcases, for instance. One of them has an issue. I will not be pointing out this issue, because I plan on living with it as a permanent reminder that I am not a finish carpenter and likely never will be.

If YOU are a finish carpenter, I suspect you'll see it right away. If not, I'm betting that 90% of people will NEVER see it, even AFTER I point it out, if I'm so inclined, which I'm not. 

Perfectionism is good, if it gets a piece square and usable. Continuing on after many hours of frustration in trying to re-learn what I once knew, is not. I actually didn't know this had happened until this a.m., when I woke up and was staring at it. 

The perfection queen's first thought was; I should really fix that. My loving compassionate side said: "Hellz to the No". It took me FOUR hours to make the top case, and I had had enough, so I was just grabbing pieces of wood that fit. 

As the saying goes in Horseshoes & Hand grenades; CLOSE ENOUGH. And it is Autumn here, so warm sunny weather to take advantage of is waning rapidly. (I do not have a workshop; it's all done outside). 

My patience is gone as well, because forcing interlocking pine wall boarding to bend to my will, is no easy feat, and it involves a LOT of ripping on the table saw. But, it was a worthwhile challenge because I hadn't used the table saw in quite some time, so I will live with it, and I will be happy about it. 

So, here goes nothing:

Can you spot the outlier? 

Sorry to say there's No reward if you do, just a little fun.

Over & Out From Hermit Haven.

 Good day from Hermit Haven!

This morning while I was meditating, I realized I had never videotaped my self-proscribed breathing practice, mostly because I didn't have a name for it. 

It popped into my head this a.m. and it's brilliant, even if I have to say so, myself. 

I am going to call it: Body Surfing with your Breath.

Before I insert my video tape (which I actually don't have as yet), I wanted to point out a bit of theory and psychology, so bear with me and stay tuned, yea?

Here's what happens physically, when someone gets traumatized. 

THEY HOLD THEIR BREATH. 

It's not conscious, so it's not preventable. 

If someone gets traumatized over and over and over, as part of the dysfunctional family system, (like mine) they can forget to breathe entirely, only taking the shortest breath possible, to keep functioning. Again, it isn't conscious, so It cannot be prevented. And that's coming from me, the absolute queen of prevention (I have never gotten covid or lyme, due to preventative measures).

I have talked to so very many traumatized people over the years, and they often tell me that they can't meditate. From where I am sitting, with the last 15 years of meditation experience; I can quite truthfully say that they don't have a problem meditating. Most likely, what they can't do, is have the discipline to stay with their breath.

There is NO difference, from what I can tell from my long adult experience, between breathing and meditation.  However, that doesn't mean anyone will be able to meditate, not without first 'fixing' their breathing. So, it becomes a circular argument. I'm not sure why most modern day gurus don't just instruct novices to breathe as the main focus, in the beginning of their journey. it seems odd to me.

Because when it comes down to it; the REAL problem is so simple, that it's sorta mind boggling. 

RELEARN HOW TO BREATHE SO YOU CAN GIVE YOUR MIND AND BODY SOME RESPITE.

My breathing practice is HARD. It takes DISCIPLINE. It takes FOCUS. It takes SELF-LOVE. If these things are not part of your psychological makeup, then you are right, you can't meditate. 

If you CAN get your head around the fact that we all deserve self love, it becomes a gift you give yourself called PERMISSION. With self-love, we realize that we can't pour from an empty cup so giving ourselves an hour each day, to restore our breathing, is merely one form of that;  from my life experience though, it's likely to be the most important one. 

So, just from a practical and pragmatic standpoint; If you have insomnia, what better thing is there to do for yourself, then meditate? After all, at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of the night, what else could you be doing, that could possibly be better? Other than gifting yourself?

That's where relearning how to breathe comes in; Or as I like to call it, 'Body Surfing with your Breath'.

It goes something like this:

Lay in your bed in a supine position (on your back with arms out horizontally). It's totally not necessary to assume the Lotus position; in fact, I discourage that, because how can you breathe deeply in that position, as a novice?

So, here we go: Start counting your in breathes. Easy peasy, right?

Keep counting. Start out with TEN as your Intake number. Go as slowly as you can.

Start to visualize each long slow count landing on each body part (or chakra); especially the hurting spots; I use my skeleton when I visualize. 

Long, slow, breaths matched to your skeleton or chakras, all the way from your head to your toes.

Count to ten while moving the air physically through each body part (or chakra), verrry slowwwwly. 

Visualize yourself turning into a gremlin or elephant. When your body feels like a hot air balloon, get ready to let it out, this time to the count of 20, so it's twice as slow. 

When you let it out, think of your body as a smashed paper bag or stove bellows, and let your body dig into the mattress as much as possible. 

Just do it once today. This is the start. Give yourself Kudos. Plan on trying twice tomorrow. Then thrice the day after. And so on........

I have done this for the last fifteen years, and from my experience, many nasty things come out in the 'out breath'. It's been my experience that both the body AND the mind are able to shed some nasties this way. My spine (which is riddled with arthritis), usually fixes itself merely from this one daily and dedicated practice. (To be fair, I also stretch every body part as I go). 

Can it work for you? Well, it won't if you don't try, or love yourself enough to stay with it, will it? It's not a quick fix, so if that's all you can tolerate, then yea, you're probably right, it won't work for you. 

However, as an Arborist will say: The best time to plant a tree, was Forty years ago, the next best time, is now. So, to borrow another phrase: Just do it. (God bless Nike. One of their salesmen actually stole this phrase from moi. (True Story)).

Start it now. 

Start where you are (Pema Chodron). 

Meet your body on its own terms. 

Just Do it now! 

The end goal (if you may need one) is very much like body surfing, this should begin to feel like a very intimate dance within your body, after you practice it enough. I like to pretend I am one with the ocean waves......If you are near the beach, you may not even have to count at all, because your breathing will naturally follow the sound of the waves (if you let it). 

If you don't have the ocean handy, there are other tools one can use, in order to settle the body enough to find and engage, the breath. I used a tens unit and binaural beat music (the heart chakra; 420 htz,), for many years. It really helps to synchronize one's breathing, to the earths or the hearts, pace. All good things flow from there.........

This seems easy when you read about it, right? I won't lie to you: It is, but not at first. It's a very aggressive breathing practice, because it has to be. 

If you haven't breathed properly for years, then yes, it's like any type of sport, exercise or herbal treatment. One doesn't get sick overnight and one doesn't heal overnight; so in the same way, one doesn't learn how re-breathe properly overnight, either..... 

However, If anybody is interested, I have gotten up to 40in & 80out, but by no means is that consistent as yet. Last time I counted, I could comfortably do 30 & 60. It depends on so many things that it varies from time to time. That's one of the things I am fascinated by with meditation, how much it changes from time to time and trying to find the precursors. I am happy if I never do. lol. 

And from one of the many Strong Women that I admire; Pema Chodron: "That's why it's called a meditation 'practice'. Please keep giving yourself the gift of breath. Choose You, every day from now on. You will never be sorry that you did.

Over and Out from Hermit Haven. Stay tuned!

Greetings from Hermit Haven in the Backwoods of Western Maine. 

My goodness, so much has happened since my last "transmission". lol. (Private joke). 

I have been quite overwhelmed with the BIG MOVE to the point where it has taken me all this time to unload that monstrosity of a house in Vermont, Pursue a legal Action, and sort through all the debris of a life lived, mostly unhappily, for the last 25 years. As it happens, my unhappiness made me into a collector of sorts (yarn, mostly), because I was very depressed with the outcome of my botched surgery in 2010. In any case, that's neither here nor there, but hopefully, it will help to fill in the gap. Just use your imaginations, yea?

So, onwards and upwards......... I have been trying to decipher whether to leave or stay, on my 25 acres of land. If I had my druthers, I'd prolly leave, but between the pets and the physical maladies I struggle with, daily, I likely won't, in the foreseeable future, anyhow. There's also the matter of that civil suit I feel I need to be present for. And the fact that I can actually afford this lifestyle but not a nomad one. (Isn't it too funny that this process (VanLife), is now almost as much, and in some cases, MORE than a mortgage?) That seems to be an ongoing trend, buying smaller and more efficient appliances is now much more expensive than buying the larger, ones, even when they are often very cheaply made, discontinued, models.

World Economics Writ Large, yea? It's more than a Tad Bizarre that there are NO economic model representatives for the times we are currently living in. Ooompah.

I HAVE been researching Camper/Vans but not sure I could even do that physically (Vanlife), so I will likely drop down to a lessor rig that I can buy custom bed/kitchen combo units for. Within my budget, so there's that. If I bought new, (VAN/Camper: the only way I'd feel comfortable) I'd HAVE to sell my property to settle the note, as I am simply not interested in incurring more debt. 

With what's going on in the world, I don't believe that would be the wisest choice, since the only place left on my bucket list is New Zealand, so I can wait out whatever's next quite easily here. I can live here without financial help from State Services, even, so I am pretty happy about that. My social security is just enough to maintain things here and I do not believe I will find ANY peace anywhere, to match the level I have here, so it'd be kinda hard to leave it, I think. Time will tell, I guess. 

On that note, I have left many times in my life, only to just circle back to the same place, time and time again. 

I began to wonder, today, if that's everything? Like Jack Nicholson said in the movie: Maybe This Is As Good As It Gets? Maybe our lives are just built, circles upon circles, like the wonderful modern fantasy film: The Wheels of Time? 

Since I have been able to 'see' energy, I am beginning to believe this. I 'see' the same patterns in human energy, repeating constantly. I used to think that this just couldn't be. And, of course my inner 3 year olds constant refrain of "Why, Just Why?" has to come to bear, here, My grown up, one too. Maybe my grown up lexicon is "Just What in The Holy Hell?", so not changed that much, in essence, really?

But yea, the circles keep intermingling intermittently and it begins to hurt my brain, my body and my emotions, if I stare too long into the abyss that is the Human Animal. The colorscape in the Matrix seems to be blurry where all the humans lines are floating around in the ether. I can't make a judgement on that except that it is very distracting. If I am to follow the colored lines of the ancestor linkages, and the current lives muddy up the ether, (so to speak), how can I follow the lines of colors to the Spirit Lands? It takes a LOT of energy to decipher just exactly which lines to follow, so I get exhausted quite quickly.

Of course, I'm giddy, spiritually, but there's always a cost, isn't there? It makes my eyes hurt, my brain hurt and my spine retracts quite painfully from all that intense staring. So, yea, there's the cost. Ain't nothin' free in this life, and the Gods (and Goddesses), couldn't care less if we have to pay the cost, cause yea, they already did. But, don't take my word for it. It's in every religion. Someone pays the cost for the rest of us. In the bible, it's Jesus, in Buddhism, it's the Bodhisattva. I'm sure if I looked long enough, I'd find that theme in ALL of the religions. Pretty sure I've already done that work, in order to get my higher degree, so not doing it again. But don't let that stop ya', I'm happy to be mistaken, so if you can prove me wrong, here's to YOU! lol.

So, for anyone that was EVER envious of me, and my mostly peculiar and inexplicable gifts, get over it, already. 

I got the gifts because I was willing to pay the cost. The cost was HIGH. You didn't get the gifts because you weren't willing. To Pay The Cost. That's on YOU. Got nothin' to do with me. So, get over it and just accept it, already. Next time we meet, perhaps you will treat me like a complete stranger, that would be ideal. 

THE END.